mysterious money

this morning we received a call from Alex's teacher, Mrs. S updating us about the "mysterious $ situation". she said that Alex wasn't being honest with us, and that apparently he had been charging and collecting money from his classmates for using markers, pens, pencils and etc. that were in fact school property and for public use; the supplies simply just happened to be on his desk.

two nights ago he had told us that he had a lot of money, and asked me to count it for him. i counted, and noticed a mysterious $50 bill, along with some other $20 bills that i didn't know the origin of. for a 9 year old, money should only come from parents, or an occasional lucky pick-up from the floor. not counting the $60 he had received from lunar's new year as lucky money, and perhaps $25 from previous allowances, there was a total of $140 that he said that one of his classmates A.M. had given it to him, without giving an explanation other than "i don't know why." his dad was extremely angry that night, and gave a serious scolding about taking other people's money for no reason and not telling adults about the situation. today we know the reason.

i asked Mrs. S if there was anything she or the school would like me to do, and she said,

"well, i don't know..... but you know Alex isn't very....... you know he kicks and hits in class...... and he's kind of a bully and he's not very nice to other kids. so maybe if you'd talk to him and see what's going on, and teach him how to be nice and how to make friends....."

i told her i understood, and as soon as i hung up C said angrily,

"she is a horrible teacher!"

after about 5 minutes of silence, i added,

"well..... that's not what's important right now."

ever since the kids have changed to this school, C has had deep resentment and much dislike about every teacher and the whole system of B-T; some not without reason, but most of it i think, really just from a refusal to understand the situation from different perspectives. for instance: Angela had been coming home with soiled pants and undies from accidents. when we asked her why, she said that the teacher would not let the children go to the restroom unless during designated times. this is not uncommon in elementary schools, but in their previous school at N-B they were allowed a hall pass. so, here is another reason for C to attack B-T. i've tried to explain to him the reason that elementary schools did this, and he would only come back with "but holding in urine is not healthy for kids."

that's why they should try to go when they are allowed to. and the schools have this rule to prevent kids from using the bathroom as an excuse to wreak havoc in the hallways. but of course C had insisted it was really the fault of the school that children wet their pants. last night at mom's place for dinner, Angela again wetted her pants because she had "forgotten" to go. apparently, she was too busy playing and didn't realise that she needed to use the restroom. this is probably why she has been getting accidents at school as well: not because of some irrational, stupid school rule for not allowing kids to use the restroom whenever they wanted, but because she did not try to go when instructed to.

so back to "mysterious money." personally, i am not too fond of Mrs. S either. i agree with C that she is not a suitable teacher to teach 2d grade: she lacks patience, passion, and devotion. but i don't think this is a reason to hold her responsible for the bad things that kids do at school. Alex taking money from his students being a case in point. blaming the teacher does not take away the fault of naughty children. regardless of Mrs. S's incapability of a good 2d grade teacher, Alex still did something wrong, and needs corrective action and some kind of punishment. otherwise, he will not learn, and this will become a major problem in the future.

moral #1: what a difficult job is parenting!!

mom was right: it's hard enough to teach one's own children. even harder if not from one's own womb. sometimes i don't know when to hold back, and when to leap forward.....

another tendency in parenting: parents will want to think their children to be innocent, and even if they are the most repulsive and disgusting little warts in all of children-kind, they will still think their own to be the best, just as in their own image. so -- and i can't believe i am saying this -- Freud was right! what are children but parents' desire to mold into their image and create mini-mes?

moral #2: sometimes people can be so biased and become so irrational in judgement, finding justification in their own biases by straying from the topic. but how can one not be biased? perhaps only by being aware of the origin and effects of our biases, and be more acute and careful in making judgements about either side of the situation.

p.s. i am definitely not planning to have any children of my own. dogs are enough for me. perhaps this is the decisive point; we shall see.

Hunan Wok

for the first time in at least 5 years, maybe 7, i saw my dear uncle.

about a month ago, i had already heard some news about his current health and financial situation from my mom, and little snippets of his apparently mental paranoia and psychological breakdown from one-sided phone conversations my mom has been having with other family members. according to my mom, he is suffering from some kind of psychological problems: his temper, which was always short-fused, has become even more so, and is difficult to predict when it will blow out again; he is highly suspicious of anyone trying to help him and has this strange paranoia against all banks (which is understandable) and large institutions, as if he has in his mind some conspiracy theory about the world around him. worse, he has also directed much of this suspicion against many of his family members, including his sisters (my mom being one of them), and at times even his own wife.

today when i saw him upon visiting the restaurant he works at (he's a chef), i noticed that he had really aged a lot in these past few years... perhaps more than i would even want to admit. his eyes had an almost helpless glaze to them, and deep lines framed his face near the corners of his mouth and etched on his forehead. (i've never noticed that he had so many lines before!) he walked with a little limp, but perhaps he always had, only i hadn't noticed it before. at first he didn't recognize me, until he walked out into the lobby where we were seated. it wasn't until he realized who i was that his face broke into a sort of lopsided smile.

his son, John, my cousin, was near the back of the kitchen, and my uncle led me to say hi to him. i thought to myself, it must be christmas break for him, and since my aunt had to work, he was hanging out at the restaurant with his dad. John must have grown at least 5 times the size he was when i last saw him about 4 years ago at my dad's birthday dinner. my mom had said that he has some developing problems, adding onto his autistic condition. he now sits in a wheelchair, and if i hadn't known any better, i would have thought that he was obese. weighing at least 200 lbs, it's hard to remember that he's only ten years old. i said hi to him, and asked, do you remember me? he smiled shyly, and said no. i put my hand on his arm and asked, what game are you playing? and he just looked away and said no. then i asked him what grade he was in, and he pulled his hoodie over his head, smiled again, and while lowering his head said fourth grade. then i laughed and squeezed his arm a bit.

i went back to finish my lunch. uncle offered to pay, but i refused, even if our bill wouldn't have amounted to much. after we cleaned our plates, i waved to him through the kitchen doors and walked outside to meet up with my husband and the kids. in the car on the way back, my uncle stayed in my thoughts. i remember the times that he would take me out when i was still 5 or 6, and he would bring me to the amusement park and spoil me with cotton candy, popcorn, and coke. when i had to go to the bathroom, he would bring me into the men's. i also remember eating his wonderfully cooked dishes, and the times when he would teach me how to flip an egg without an utensil of any kind, using only gravity and good timing. i remember when i first left home for an exchange program to Japan, his whole family sent me off at the airport. at the time John was perhaps only a year old. this may not seem much of a gesture, but upon reflection, it really showed how much he cared.

and then my thoughts return to the present, and i see how much he has aged, and can only imagine how much his mind is deteriorating psychologically, and how much stress he has to carry on his back, working so hard with meagre earnings, and yet still bombarded with medical bills, mortgage payments, credit card bills, and so on............ and i can't help but feel a knot at my throat and my insides all twisting up in sadness.

is this the American Dream that he imagined himself living before coming to the US of A? could he have ever dreamed that he would be living like this thirty years ago when he and his sisters planned an escape as refugees?

it really breaks my heart to see him like this.

silly bands and imaginative stories

these days, kids mature so much faster than older generations. already at the ages of only 7 and 9, the little devils in our house are talking about things like "privacy", what it means to be "fashionable", and of course, that one topic that parents dodge as soon as the word is muttered into open space, "love"--- actually what they mean is "sex".

my son Alex had to write one story every day over the course of 29 days, and at the end of the due date turn in his collection of, what the teacher was probably hoping for, imaginative stories of monsters and ghouls, magic and wonder, of knights in shining armor and princesses imprisoned in castles waiting to be rescued. last night, when my son finished his collection of "imaginative stories", he gave me his notebook to look over. save for a few detective stories, most of them were realistically mundane and uneventful, e.g. a kid arguing elementary politics with his classmate who no longer wants to be his friend. and then, i saw the page about "sex" defined by his friend "sheron" as "one boy sex one girl that's what they do". his dad was sitting right across the living room, probably playing bejeweled on facebook, and i thought in a split second that if he found out what his son was writing, poor little Alex would be in some big trouble. instead, i simply said, "you better redo this story. you are going to get into trouble by your teacher and your principle if you turn this is as is." mind you, he's only in second grade.

i'm not quite sure how comfortable i feel with the speed of maturity in my kids. already, my 7 year-old daughter is talking about who likes who in her class, who doesn't like who, and who likes who whom doesn't like the other one back. i also remember a couple years ago when she was still 5 telling me she had a boyfriend named Charlie (who was actually a rugged but lookin' fella with polite manners).

i'm trying to think back to when my first crush was, and i think it might have been around 3rd grade. thinking back, it's still a bit of embarassment. in fact, i still remember his name: Aaron S. he was one of brightest individuals in our class, and excelled in every subject, particularly math. so as an attempt to show him my interest, i had written out all my timetables--yes, from the 2's to the 9's--and asked him if he would be willing to double check my work. i had forgotten to write the x's and ='s in between the digits, and after one disinterested glance, he just pushed it away saying, "i can't understand what these mean" and turned his attention back to his friends. sadly, i retreated back to my desk. i was no looker, but neither was i a dummy. guys did not become interested in the opposite sex until at least middle school. but then again, girls do mature faster than guys.

and of course there are some things that don't change, no matter the generation gap. there are still the formation of cliques with the inclusion of the so-called "cool kids", outcasting and marginalizing the "dorks" and the "nerds"--the different. if you wanted to be a cool kid and to be popular, you better act and dress the same way, as well as play with the same toys. nowadays, the "in" objects to possess if you want to be anybody are these things called "silly bands". basically, silly bands are just like rubber bands, but when you lay them out on a flat surface they take the shape of some animal or object. about 3 weeks ago Angela brought one home.
"look mummy! these are silly bands. everyone has them in school and they all wear them on their wrists like this. [she demonstrated.] can i go get one? Estella says that you can get them at the mall. can we go to the mall? i wanna get some, too!" i looked the little neon pink colored rubber band in the shape of a high heeled shoe, and asked her,
"are you sure everyone in school has them?" Alex responded for her,
"yeah, everyone has them. i see them all over the place; in the lunchroom, at p.e., during recess.... i don't know what the big deal is, but really everyone has them."
so i began a lookout for these "silly bands" and much to my surprise they were not cheap. for a package of 24, it cost $4.25 at one place, and $3.75 at another. we finally found a pack for $1.75, and after discussing with her dad, went back a few days later only to find out that they had already sold out and were ordering a new shipment. i guess everyone had them in school. in fact, from the snippets of conversations around our kids' elementary, these good for nothing silly bands have even cause some problems in school. according to the recess patrol, one kid would ask another kid to see a silly band, and refuse to give it back. arguments would then break out, and the teachers would have to take the bands away from them. this had also happened to Angela on the very first day she wore them to school. in the end, we told her not to bring them to school anymore. she obediently obliged.

now, the silly bands are sitting on the coffee table, really being good for nothing.

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Hair treatment & mascara

So after damaging my hair through coloring and perming, and after about one month of intensive treatment using Jonathan's Anti-aging restorative conditioner, it's finally feeling much softer. Before, even the grass on the lawn felt smoother than my hair. Slowly, but surely, my hair is finally healing. I like this particular brand because not only does it smell fruity and nice (like pineapples and coconut) but it is also 100% vegan and tested only on celebrities. It was not too expensive ($28 for a 6.8 oz jar), and the point is that it worked, and I really needed it. 

Since  I'm on the topic of beauty products, I might as well share 

another purchase. For you mascara lovers, I highly recommend 

Guerlain's Le 2 de Guerlain. It does amazing effects! I usually 

stick with Shu Uemura's Fiber Xtension mascara, but I've heard 

so many good recommendations on Guerlain's. I really like it; it 

is now my favourite mascara. It has two brushes, one on either 

end, a bigger one for the longer and upper lashes, and a smaller one for shorter and end lashes. 

A bit pricey compared to other brands ($35 for a tube at Sephora), so buy only if you can 

splurge and if mascara is something you are willing to spend a little bit more for good quality.

Lethargic

Another humid day in the Steel City. Last time I checked, it rose to 21 C, but due to the 73% humidity, it felt more like 25 C. It is currently cloudy, and looks like it's getting ready to rain. This morning I could not pull myself out of bed until 10.30. 

My motivation: breakfast.

So I quickly reheated some of the leftovers from dinner last night (rice, a tofu-corn-egg-drop soup, and stir-fried nappa with shiitake, oil tofu, and ginger), and gathered my papers and files to head down to Crazy Mocha, with a goal of finishing the first draft of my Spinoza paper. It took me about an hour and half to get into the gist of things (usually it only takes about 40 minutes) and concentrate. I'm on my 17th hand-written page, so I'm pretty darn close to concluding. The question is, whether I want to stop now, or continue with research. Sometimes I feel like I'm on to something ground-breaking. But then when I reread it, it doesn't seem as profound as I originally imagined. :-/ 

Afterwards, I walked over to Giant Eagle and back to Tokyo Shoten for some groceries. I had told myself: no more cheese, no more donuts. I managed to refrain from buying donuts, but succumbed to my stomach's desire for good cheese. Lately, for the past 2 weeks or so, I've been on a rather high-fat, high-calorie diet. (For example, lots of donuts, cheese and veggies omelets, coconut milk, kabocha baked with mozzarella cheese - which is really nice - and so on.) I really need to find some way to exercise. As I'm getting closer to the big three-oh, I do feel that my metabolism has slowed down quite a bit. I am not saying that I'm fat, because I'm not. But I can no longer eat according to my heart's desire without gaining a pound.... because I am gaining some pounds, unfortunately.

Tonight for dinner: yakisoba with cabbage, carrots, and veggie meat; miso soup; and last night's leftovers. Yummy......