Traces of Effacement

mysterious money

2011-02-10T08:48:00.000-08:00

this morning we received a call from Alex's teacher, Mrs. S updating us about the "mysterious $ situation". she said that Alex wasn't being honest with us, and that apparently he had been charging and collecting money from his classmates for using markers, pens, pencils and etc. that were in fact school property and for public use; the supplies simply just happened to be on his desk.

two nights ago he had told us that he had a lot of money, and asked me to count it for him. i counted, and noticed a mysterious $50 bill, along with some other $20 bills that i didn't know the origin of. for a 9 year old, money should only come from parents, or an occasional lucky pick-up from the floor. not counting the $60 he had received from lunar's new year as lucky money, and perhaps $25 from previous allowances, there was a total of $140 that he said that one of his classmates A.M. had given it to him, without giving an explanation other than "i don't know why." his dad was extremely angry that night, and gave a serious scolding about taking other people's money for no reason and not telling adults about the situation. today we know the reason.

i asked Mrs. S if there was anything she or the school would like me to do, and she said,

"well, i don't know..... but you know Alex isn't very....... you know he kicks and hits in class...... and he's kind of a bully and he's not very nice to other kids. so maybe if you'd talk to him and see what's going on, and teach him how to be nice and how to make friends....."

i told her i understood, and as soon as i hung up C said angrily,

"she is a horrible teacher!"

after about 5 minutes of silence, i added,

"well..... that's not what's important right now."

ever since the kids have changed to this school, C has had deep resentment and much dislike about every teacher and the whole system of B-T; some not without reason, but most of it i think, really just from a refusal to understand the situation from different perspectives. for instance: Angela had been coming home with soiled pants and undies from accidents. when we asked her why, she said that the teacher would not let the children go to the restroom unless during designated times. this is not uncommon in elementary schools, but in their previous school at N-B they were allowed a hall pass. so, here is another reason for C to attack B-T. i've tried to explain to him the reason that elementary schools did this, and he would only come back with "but holding in urine is not healthy for kids."

that's why they should try to go when they are allowed to. and the schools have this rule to prevent kids from using the bathroom as an excuse to wreak havoc in the hallways. but of course C had insisted it was really the fault of the school that children wet their pants. last night at mom's place for dinner, Angela again wetted her pants because she had "forgotten" to go. apparently, she was too busy playing and didn't realise that she needed to use the restroom. this is probably why she has been getting accidents at school as well: not because of some irrational, stupid school rule for not allowing kids to use the restroom whenever they wanted, but because she did not try to go when instructed to.

so back to "mysterious money." personally, i am not too fond of Mrs. S either. i agree with C that she is not a suitable teacher to teach 2d grade: she lacks patience, passion, and devotion. but i don't think this is a reason to hold her responsible for the bad things that kids do at school. Alex taking money from his students being a case in point. blaming the teacher does not take away the fault of naughty children. regardless of Mrs. S's incapability of a good 2d grade teacher, Alex still did something wrong, and needs corrective action and some kind of punishment. otherwise, he will not learn, and this will become a major problem in the future.

moral #1: what a difficult job is parenting!!

mom was right: it's hard enough to teach one's own children. even harder if not from one's own womb. sometimes i don't know when to hold back, and when to leap forward.....

another tendency in parenting: parents will want to think their children to be innocent, and even if they are the most repulsive and disgusting little warts in all of children-kind, they will still think their own to be the best, just as in their own image. so -- and i can't believe i am saying this -- Freud was right! what are children but parents' desire to mold into their image and create mini-mes?

moral #2: sometimes people can be so biased and become so irrational in judgement, finding justification in their own biases by straying from the topic. but how can one not be biased? perhaps only by being aware of the origin and effects of our biases, and be more acute and careful in making judgements about either side of the situation.

p.s. i am definitely not planning to have any children of my own. dogs are enough for me. perhaps this is the decisive point; we shall see.

Hunan Wok

2010-12-20T23:10:00.000-08:00

for the first time in at least 5 years, maybe 7, i saw my dear uncle.

about a month ago, i had already heard some news about his current health and financial situation from my mom, and little snippets of his apparently mental paranoia and psychological breakdown from one-sided phone conversations my mom has been having with other family members. according to my mom, he is suffering from some kind of psychological problems: his temper, which was always short-fused, has become even more so, and is difficult to predict when it will blow out again; he is highly suspicious of anyone trying to help him and has this strange paranoia against all banks (which is understandable) and large institutions, as if he has in his mind some conspiracy theory about the world around him. worse, he has also directed much of this suspicion against many of his family members, including his sisters (my mom being one of them), and at times even his own wife.

today when i saw him upon visiting the restaurant he works at (he's a chef), i noticed that he had really aged a lot in these past few years... perhaps more than i would even want to admit. his eyes had an almost helpless glaze to them, and deep lines framed his face near the corners of his mouth and etched on his forehead. (i've never noticed that he had so many lines before!) he walked with a little limp, but perhaps he always had, only i hadn't noticed it before. at first he didn't recognize me, until he walked out into the lobby where we were seated. it wasn't until he realized who i was that his face broke into a sort of lopsided smile.

his son, John, my cousin, was near the back of the kitchen, and my uncle led me to say hi to him. i thought to myself, it must be christmas break for him, and since my aunt had to work, he was hanging out at the restaurant with his dad. John must have grown at least 5 times the size he was when i last saw him about 4 years ago at my dad's birthday dinner. my mom had said that he has some developing problems, adding onto his autistic condition. he now sits in a wheelchair, and if i hadn't known any better, i would have thought that he was obese. weighing at least 200 lbs, it's hard to remember that he's only ten years old. i said hi to him, and asked, do you remember me? he smiled shyly, and said no. i put my hand on his arm and asked, what game are you playing? and he just looked away and said no. then i asked him what grade he was in, and he pulled his hoodie over his head, smiled again, and while lowering his head said fourth grade. then i laughed and squeezed his arm a bit.

i went back to finish my lunch. uncle offered to pay, but i refused, even if our bill wouldn't have amounted to much. after we cleaned our plates, i waved to him through the kitchen doors and walked outside to meet up with my husband and the kids. in the car on the way back, my uncle stayed in my thoughts. i remember the times that he would take me out when i was still 5 or 6, and he would bring me to the amusement park and spoil me with cotton candy, popcorn, and coke. when i had to go to the bathroom, he would bring me into the men's. i also remember eating his wonderfully cooked dishes, and the times when he would teach me how to flip an egg without an utensil of any kind, using only gravity and good timing. i remember when i first left home for an exchange program to Japan, his whole family sent me off at the airport. at the time John was perhaps only a year old. this may not seem much of a gesture, but upon reflection, it really showed how much he cared.

and then my thoughts return to the present, and i see how much he has aged, and can only imagine how much his mind is deteriorating psychologically, and how much stress he has to carry on his back, working so hard with meagre earnings, and yet still bombarded with medical bills, mortgage payments, credit card bills, and so on............ and i can't help but feel a knot at my throat and my insides all twisting up in sadness.

is this the American Dream that he imagined himself living before coming to the US of A? could he have ever dreamed that he would be living like this thirty years ago when he and his sisters planned an escape as refugees?

it really breaks my heart to see him like this.

silly bands and imaginative stories

2010-10-27T10:12:00.000-07:00

these days, kids mature so much faster than older generations. already at the ages of only 7 and 9, the little devils in our house are talking about things like "privacy", what it means to be "fashionable", and of course, that one topic that parents dodge as soon as the word is muttered into open space, "love"--- actually what they mean is "sex".

my son Alex had to write one story every day over the course of 29 days, and at the end of the due date turn in his collection of, what the teacher was probably hoping for, imaginative stories of monsters and ghouls, magic and wonder, of knights in shining armor and princesses imprisoned in castles waiting to be rescued. last night, when my son finished his collection of "imaginative stories", he gave me his notebook to look over. save for a few detective stories, most of them were realistically mundane and uneventful, e.g. a kid arguing elementary politics with his classmate who no longer wants to be his friend. and then, i saw the page about "sex" defined by his friend "sheron" as "one boy sex one girl that's what they do". his dad was sitting right across the living room, probably playing bejeweled on facebook, and i thought in a split second that if he found out what his son was writing, poor little Alex would be in some big trouble. instead, i simply said, "you better redo this story. you are going to get into trouble by your teacher and your principle if you turn this is as is." mind you, he's only in second grade.

i'm not quite sure how comfortable i feel with the speed of maturity in my kids. already, my 7 year-old daughter is talking about who likes who in her class, who doesn't like who, and who likes who whom doesn't like the other one back. i also remember a couple years ago when she was still 5 telling me she had a boyfriend named Charlie (who was actually a rugged but lookin' fella with polite manners).

i'm trying to think back to when my first crush was, and i think it might have been around 3rd grade. thinking back, it's still a bit of embarassment. in fact, i still remember his name: Aaron S. he was one of brightest individuals in our class, and excelled in every subject, particularly math. so as an attempt to show him my interest, i had written out all my timetables--yes, from the 2's to the 9's--and asked him if he would be willing to double check my work. i had forgotten to write the x's and ='s in between the digits, and after one disinterested glance, he just pushed it away saying, "i can't understand what these mean" and turned his attention back to his friends. sadly, i retreated back to my desk. i was no looker, but neither was i a dummy. guys did not become interested in the opposite sex until at least middle school. but then again, girls do mature faster than guys.

and of course there are some things that don't change, no matter the generation gap. there are still the formation of cliques with the inclusion of the so-called "cool kids", outcasting and marginalizing the "dorks" and the "nerds"--the different. if you wanted to be a cool kid and to be popular, you better act and dress the same way, as well as play with the same toys. nowadays, the "in" objects to possess if you want to be anybody are these things called "silly bands". basically, silly bands are just like rubber bands, but when you lay them out on a flat surface they take the shape of some animal or object. about 3 weeks ago Angela brought one home.
"look mummy! these are silly bands. everyone has them in school and they all wear them on their wrists like this. [she demonstrated.] can i go get one? Estella says that you can get them at the mall. can we go to the mall? i wanna get some, too!" i looked the little neon pink colored rubber band in the shape of a high heeled shoe, and asked her,
"are you sure everyone in school has them?" Alex responded for her,
"yeah, everyone has them. i see them all over the place; in the lunchroom, at p.e., during recess.... i don't know what the big deal is, but really everyone has them."
so i began a lookout for these "silly bands" and much to my surprise they were not cheap. for a package of 24, it cost $4.25 at one place, and $3.75 at another. we finally found a pack for $1.75, and after discussing with her dad, went back a few days later only to find out that they had already sold out and were ordering a new shipment. i guess everyone had them in school. in fact, from the snippets of conversations around our kids' elementary, these good for nothing silly bands have even cause some problems in school. according to the recess patrol, one kid would ask another kid to see a silly band, and refuse to give it back. arguments would then break out, and the teachers would have to take the bands away from them. this had also happened to Angela on the very first day she wore them to school. in the end, we told her not to bring them to school anymore. she obediently obliged.

now, the silly bands are sitting on the coffee table, really being good for nothing.

2009-12-23T00:59:00.000-08:00

2008-05-27T17:07:00.000-07:00

http://obliviousjjl.wordpress.com/

I have decided that I like the interface of Wordpress better. So from now on, please visit my blog at the link provided above.

Hair treatment & mascara

2008-05-27T16:09:00.000-07:00

So after damaging my hair through coloring and perming, and after about one month of intensive treatment using Jonathan's Anti-aging restorative conditioner, it's finally feeling much softer. Before, even the grass on the lawn felt smoother than my hair. Slowly, but surely, my hair is finally healing. I like this particular brand because not only does it smell fruity and nice (like pineapples and coconut) but it is also 100% vegan and tested only on celebrities. It was not too expensive ($28 for a 6.8 oz jar), and the point is that it worked, and I really needed it.

Since I'm on the topic of beauty products, I might as well share

another purchase. For you mascara lovers, I highly recommend

Guerlain's Le 2 de Guerlain. It does amazing effects! I usually

stick with Shu Uemura's Fiber Xtension mascara, but I've heard

so many good recommendations on Guerlain's. I really like it; it

is now my favourite mascara. It has two brushes, one on either

end, a bigger one for the longer and upper lashes, and a smaller one for shorter and end lashes.

A bit pricey compared to other brands ($35 for a tube at Sephora), so buy only if you can

splurge and if mascara is something you are willing to spend a little bit more for good quality.

Lethargic

2008-05-27T14:12:00.000-07:00

Another humid day in the Steel City. Last time I checked, it rose to 21 C, but due to the 73% humidity, it felt more like 25 C. It is currently cloudy, and looks like it's getting ready to rain. This morning I could not pull myself out of bed until 10.30.

My motivation: breakfast.

So I quickly reheated some of the leftovers from dinner last night (rice, a tofu-corn-egg-drop soup, and stir-fried nappa with shiitake, oil tofu, and ginger), and gathered my papers and files to head down to Crazy Mocha, with a goal of finishing the first draft of my Spinoza paper. It took me about an hour and half to get into the gist of things (usually it only takes about 40 minutes) and concentrate. I'm on my 17th hand-written page, so I'm pretty darn close to concluding. The question is, whether I want to stop now, or continue with research. Sometimes I feel like I'm on to something ground-breaking. But then when I reread it, it doesn't seem as profound as I originally imagined. :-/

Afterwards, I walked over to Giant Eagle and back to Tokyo Shoten for some groceries. I had told myself: no more cheese, no more donuts. I managed to refrain from buying donuts, but succumbed to my stomach's desire for good cheese. Lately, for the past 2 weeks or so, I've been on a rather high-fat, high-calorie diet. (For example, lots of donuts, cheese and veggies omelets, coconut milk, kabocha baked with mozzarella cheese - which is really nice - and so on.) I really need to find some way to exercise. As I'm getting closer to the big three-oh, I do feel that my metabolism has slowed down quite a bit. I am not saying that I'm fat, because I'm not. But I can no longer eat according to my heart's desire without gaining a pound.... because I am gaining some pounds, unfortunately.

Tonight for dinner: yakisoba with cabbage, carrots, and veggie meat; miso soup; and last night's leftovers. Yummy......

Talk about eye-catching book titles....

2008-05-25T17:46:00.000-07:00

Is it just me, or is there something creepingly interesting about Critchley's new book, due on the shelf next January, 2009? You can even place a preorder on Amazon.uk! I'm not sure if I need to take that step, but I am definitely going to purchase it. He's not only focusing on Western philosophers, but also the East, which is quite rare, and I am quite impressed! Dr. Critchley teaches at the New School for Social Research in New York, and is one of my favorite contemporary philosophers who does work in the continental tradition (e.g. Heidegger, Foucault, Derrida, and so on). The New School was (and still is) my top choice for doing graduate work, by the way.

The Quest for Life

2008-05-24T15:58:00.000-07:00

On this coming Monday, NASA's space probe Phoenix is scheduled to land on Mars, further north than previous missions in order to collect samples for traces of water (which means traces of life). I am no scientist--not even close--but I do appreciate the geniuses of our nation (and of course those around the world) who contribute to these sorts of massive think tanks, making space exploration (among many others) possible. You don't need to be a rocket scientist to think this stuff is pretty awesome. I was watching this video clip of how Phoenix must land safely for a successful mission posted up on the BBC News web-page, and my jaw just dropped on my table. It was absolutely AWESOME and SPECTACULAR! I mean, if you just watch all the technology inherent in Phoenix........ it is just *mind boggling*! SO RAD! Look at how cool (and kinda cute, too ^-^) this thing looks:

Seriously, for those of you who have not seen it, you must check out the video on BBC (I've provided the link above), and don't trust any of my primitive descriptions of Phoenix.

On a more philosophical level, I just remember something Hannah Arendt had written in one of her essays (well, she's said this in many essays, but I like this one the best, and it's one that I'm most familiar with) where she reflects about the many new beginnings that humans can create:

"In 1957, an earth-born object made by man was launched into the universe, where for some weeks it circled the earth according to the same laws of gravitation that swing and keep in motion the celestial bodies--the sun, the moon, and the stars. To be sure, the man-made satellite was no moon or star, no heavenly body which could follow its circling path for a time plan that to us mortals, bound by earthly time, lasts from eternity to eternity. Yet, for a time, it managed to stay in the skies; it dwelt and moved in the proximity of the heavenly bodies as though it had been admitted to their sublime company." (From the Prologue to The Human Condition.)

The importance of this event, "second to no other", is not from the human capacity of wonder or power, but rather because it was a sign of human rebellion against existence, a need to escape from the prisons of earth. And then, she talks about how this has to do with the artificiality of life. Humans create objects, and these artifacts that remain on the earth after our death signal an immortality even after we have ceased to be.

Drawing of a Chihuahua

2008-05-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

2008-05-17T12:34:00.000-07:00

It a funny thing how solidarity is built in instances of shared group trauma such as a. disasters and catastrophes (the recent earthquake in Beijing and cyclone in Burma) and b. the identification of a common enemy (e.g. 9/11 attacks).

What happens to human psychology that suddenly you can bind and offer help to those you once called your enemy (case a), or become so defensive so as to create an enemy (case b)?

Conference Highlights

2008-05-12T13:32:00.000-07:00

So as far as the actual conference itself, my presentation went extremely well, and I received some interesting comments and questions. Amongst them a rather typical question of how it is possible I can use Derrida juxtaposed against Gadamer. Bob had said that despite his disagreement with me, he nevertheless enjoyed my presentation, said that it made him rethink his own positions, and for him it was a great performance. I'm not sure how to take on the performance part of the comment, but I suppose that it was meant as a compliment.

I met great people, and bonded with a few. A good number of them are philosophers, some were from history, a few from management and education research. There were only two Americans, and the rest were Europeans, mostly from the U.K. I think my favourite people are probably Bob, Paul, Abby, Carool, and Rachel. Bob is your very typical English gentleman, with a keen appetite for good, meaty European foods and good wine and Czech beer. A very brilliant man in the philosophy program at University of Brighton. His newest book is called Torture and the Ticking Bomb, which I really want to read. Paul teaches at Edge Hill University, an is a very interesting figure; he loves to poke fun at me, and likes to emphasise the fact that I am an ignorant American--jokingly, and in good humour, of course.

I think I like international conferences more than American ones. At least in the one I attended, there was actual time to bond with others. It was a three day conference, each day lasting from 9:30 to 16:00, with lunch and two coffee breaks (by the way, Hungarian espresso is absolutely fantastic, and their little sweet and savoury pastries are equally yummy; I am particularly fond of the cheese crepes, and the shortbread cookies with jam in the centre), so we actually have time to chit-chat a bit and really get to know the other delegates, and come to a better understanding of their perspectives and what kind of work they are doing and interested in. We even get into groups for dinner, and then off to the bars to relax. After a few rounds of beers, these high-end scholars begin exchanging dirty jokes. I loved it. In instances and opportunities like these, they cease to be simply names on the front of books, and suddenly become more human, more intimate.

On Thursday, Paul took a few of us (Caroline, Yuliya, Carool, Alyce, and I) out for a walk on the other side of Pest. We first went through the "international district" filled with expensive souvenir shops, restaurants and cafes that normal Hungarians would not go because they would not be able to afford to do so, and into the sightseeing side of the river with a nice view of the parliament.

(To see the full album, please go here.)

It was a wonderful experience, and Paul (the project leader) has already invited me to go back for a second conference next year, probably held in the same place. This time, he wants me to talk about the possibility for a common ground for agreement, and the implications of such a ground (I am thinking of practical and ethical aspects). Instead of 20 minutes, it might possibly be a presentation of 45 minutes with 20 minutes of questions and discussion. That should be fun, and if it works out, I would sure be delighted to be a part of it! It's conferences like these, actually participating and generating discussion, that really reaffirm my interest and desire to continue to pursue academia in philosophy. I love what I'm doing, and if I get to travel, meet and be in the good company of other scholars who equally enjoy their work as much as I do, that is indeed the good life that I truly would not mind being a part of.

07.05.2008

2008-05-12T10:10:00.000-07:00

Arrival in Budapest. The city is absolutely gorgeous! The architecture is profoundly beautiful: almost every building has a sculpture of some sort (even the banks!) with intricate details. The people are also beautiful, though I can't quite understand the fashion of the younger generations. I was greeted with perfect 18-20 C weather, clear skies, and a nice breeze every now and then. The language sounds very difficult, and I've heard that it is one of the hardest European languages to learn. I first thought it sounded like a mix between Russian, German, and French, though after a week of being there, it sounded nothing like what my first impression told me.

After checking in at the Danubius Hotel Gellert, I fell asleep for about an hour, and then woke up. While my body wanted to sleep more, I told myself that it was best not to. So I got up and decided to go out and see some of the city.

I inquired at the front desk, and found out that the walk to the city was only about 15 minutes; off on foot I went. I took some pictures, though not very good ones. Here are some of the better ones.

I was most amazed at the "Cave Church." The outside resembled more of a prison, and inside it really was literally a church inside of a cave. Mount St. Gellert is its official name, established in the mid-thirteenth century on top of a hill overlooking Buda. I was fascinated by the breathtaking beauty and majesty of the mountain. Such a stark contrast between the spirituality of the church and the modernity of the city.

Walking over the green bridge (Liberty Bridge), I quickly entered the "international district" of downtown, more of a tourist attraction, which looked very European, and was bit like what I imagined Paris to be, with narrow, cobblestone streets, and tall, blacks street lamps. There were many souvenir shops, as well as cafes and restaurants advertising a "tourist menu", mostly featuring chicken goulash (which I can't eat anyways) and beer (mostly Czech).

I sat down at a little restaurant called Zodiak, and ordered something light: the best camembert salad with cucumber, tomatoes, toasted walnuts, and olive oil, served with toast, and a cappuccino in a dainty, porcelain cup from Italy.

It hit 17:00, and I began walking back across Liberty Bridge, trying hard not to look down and the fast flowing river with huge waves that seemed to be opening up in swirls beneath me, and trying not to notice how the floorboards were creaking under the soles of my Diesel tennis shoes (the bridge was closed to automobile traffic due to construction, but open to foot traffic). I took a few more pictures of the Hotel, and retreated to my room to take a shower. Feeling clean and refreshed, I gathered my presentation materials for further preparation and editing, and went down to the hotel's cafe. I ordered a cappuccino (which was really a latte, because it had more milk than foam) and a Gellert roll with dark chocolate, macadamia nuts, creme, and cherries. There was a musician playing away various selections of music on the piano. Halfway into my readings, I became the only one in the cafe, and notieced that the pianist was playing Broadway pieces, including Phantom of the Opera, and one from My Fair Lady.

I never knew how carefree and relaxing travelling alone would be. My cell phone was turned off, and I did not bring my laptop. In a sense, I was cut off from the world, but not quite "cut off" as I was surrounding by other Europeans. Solitude is indeed a zen moment.

The hotel I was staying at is apparently well known for its springs and spas, and before the Intercontinental Hotel was built, Gellert was *the* hotel to be if you travel to Budapest. I did not go to the baths, so have no pictures, and these are from the website of our conference.

5752 Ellsworth

2008-05-05T05:52:00.000-07:00

We have finally moved everything in and are slowly starting to settle down in our new apartment. Much thanks to Patrick, Will, and Regina! If it wasn't for them, I really don't know how it would work out. Thanks to their hard work, we were able to move everything by late afternoon. Naoko cleaned the old apartment, and I cleaned most of the new place. We have nice hardwood floors, and big windows facing the north. I got the master bedroom because I wanted the in-wall shelving for all my books. There are three big windows, so I get much natural sunlight, which is *awesome*. I also have a no longer functioning fireplace, which looks pretty cool, except I don't know what to do with it. In accordance with the nature of fireplaces, it looks dirty no matter how much I sweep it. (Maybe bleach......?) I was thinking maybe a tree or two, or some kind of green and bright colours would do the trick. Either way, I love my room! I cannot even begin to enumerate how incomparable my old room is to this one. (I just realised -with an "s" - that now my computer is spell checking UK style..... what the hell happened??? Mike: apparently all the tampering worked! But now I don't really need it anymore, and I wonder how I'm going to switch back to American spelling. o_O" argh!! すご~~~めんどくさい!!!) Here are some bedroom pictures:

We've finished most of the unpacking. What's left now is the kitchen, though we've got the coffee/espresso machine set up, which makes it 50% official that this is "our" home. (The other 50% would be setting up the rice cooker.) After we clean everything up, I will try to post up more pictures, if I remember.

Yesterday, Kazue moved in, and will be staying with us for a month. Kazue is in dissertation mode and is teaching summer semester, period one. She graduated with an MA in political science in Japan, and came over here, got a second MA in philosophy, and is likewise getting her Doctor's in philosophy as well. The room she is staying in is actually Ching-Chia's, who won't be moving in until her lease at her current apartment ends in August. And then, come August, we might be having another girl staying in Naoko's room (she will be back in Japan for the summer) for a few days, and in September Nancy will join us for fall semester until she returns to Taiwan. Full house!! Though for the month of June I have the entire house to myself!

We all love our new place. It is very spacious, and we all have our own private rooms. Today Daiki made a comment, "It's so nice to have housemates--not roommates, but housemates." Something else I have to share:

Daiki: So where are you going again?

Me: Budapest.

Daiki: [scrunches up his face and frowns] Where the hell is that? India?

Me: [blank stare for 10 seconds] Uh..... No....... It's Eastern Europe..... [I start laughing incredulously; Naoko and Tomoya smile.]

Daiki: [gives a silly laugh and rolls back on my bed] Oh.........

And another:

(This time the subject was about PCs and Macs, Daiki having expressed his interest in getting a Mac and his contempt for PCs.)

Daiki: I hate PCs. They always freeze........ And I hate Bill Gates.

[Naoko rolls her eyes.]

Me: That's a stupid reason to hate PCs. [Daiki laughs again.] Who's the CEO of Apple again?

Daiki: Uh... Marc Jacobs? [three blank stares from me, Naoko, and Tomoya.] Oh no! Marc Jacobs sells sunglasses!

Keeping in mind Daiki wants to major in international business: he thought Budapest was in India, and he doesn't even know who the CEO of Apple is! Suddenly, I am reminded of the London in France belief by the Rebeccas..... (laugh*)

Tomorrow will be a long day, and a long flight that I am not looking forward to. Thankfully, Kazue advised me to check in at home. For the longest time, I thought we could only check in at home only if we could print the boarding passes. Well, now I know! And I should really start to save up my milage.....

I shall now leave my blog, and hopefully get some review of my conference paper, or maybe some other readings. Tomorrow before my flight, Daiki and Tomoya are coming over, and together with Naoko we will go across the street for lunch. It will be the last time I will see Daiki before he leaves for Japan.

2008-04-25T17:36:00.000-07:00

2008-04-20T17:55:00.001-07:00

This past Friday we had a DWiP (Duquesne Women in Philosophy) celebration in honor of official recognition by the Dean as a graduate association, with two "feature presentations" (as Joy called it) from Chris with a paper on intersubjectivity in Simone de Beauvoir, and one from me. The paper that I gave was actually the same one that I will be presenting next month in Budapest at an international conference titled: Intellectuals: Knowledge, Power, and Ideas. (Please go here to the official website. The abstracts are up - under "Conference programme" - and later, the papers will also be downloaded onto the site. There are also pictures of the venue we will be staying at, which is the same place the conference will be held. Absolutely gorgeous!) The paper itself is entitled "Historical Discourse: The Ethical Discontinuity of a Detour of Meanings", and is actually an outgrowth of my undergrad senior thesis. I also had the honor of presenting it before when I was still at SU, once as a practice session at school, and then again at NCUR (National Conference for Undergraduate Research) in San Francisco.

It's one of those really long projects, that I just keep building on and am never happy with. This time, in order to get it in time to London for publication, I've spent much time and effort collaborating with my undergraduate senior thesis advisor to ensure that my argument is sophisticated enough for this level. Of course, I've changed the overall paper quite a bit, though the subject matter is still the same. I'm still not happy with it, and one never is, but as Dr. Rodemeyer said, while all papers can never be completely done, you have to stop somewhere. So after presenting it on Friday in front of my very supportive colleagues and professors and getting some very helpful comments and advice, I finally finished editing last night and sent it over to the U.K. The only annoying thing is that they want the paper to be in Oxford style and formatting, and the spelling has to be British. The whole process of manipulating technical nitty-gritties on Microsoft Word is really tedious. The margins have to be 1.00 x 1.25 or something like that, and subheading must be numbered in boldface x number of spaces from the edge of the margins.... on and on it goes. I tried for at least 30 minutes to try to figure out how to get my spell checker to function in English U.K., but couldn't do it. I gave up. That's what the editors are supposed to do, right? Well, I tried my best to get it in Oxford standard.

So after submitting the paper in, I am somewhat relieved....
but now I have three more major essays to write and two presentations to do next week. Then, we have a goodbye party for Yukino, Daiki, Sayo, and Regina this coming Thursday. I can't believe Yukino is leaving. It's hard to imagine waking up and not seeing her asleep on the futon in the living room..... Well, I won't think about that now. Oh yeah, and we also have to get ready to move into our new apartment May 1. So many things to do!! And then, I have to get ready to go to Budapest, which I am really excited about. It will be such an enlightening and intellectual experience. And Budapest!!! I've heard great things about the place! Hopefully, I will have at least one day to walk around the city.....

Steel City Reflections

2008-04-17T05:04:00.000-07:00

I've come to the realization that slowly, but surely, I've become accustomed to this city, and have become quite fond of Pittsburgh and it's people. Now, I'm even starting to consider Pittsburgh as my "home." A drastic change from my first semester here, when I was so nostalgic for the Northwest, and simply hated being here: I didn't know anybody, I was away from family, friends, my boyfriend, my dog; downtown was a disappointment; the folks in my department appeared aloof, irascible, arrogant; the air was too thick, the water too bland, the food not quite as good.

Yet despite all that------------------------------

the city grew on me.

So that now, I'm actually starting to like this place. I've met some great friends, whom I know will remain dear to me for a long time; my colleagues are not as snotty as I initially believe, and are quite nice and really supportive, and the faculty is outstanding; intellectually I've learned an expanse of philosophical understanding; the city is still quite ghetto and boring, but there are some nice nooks that you can find if you stay here long enough (like yesterday, when after class all of us, including our professor, went over to a bar on the Southside. It was an old, small, smoky bar with cheap beer, yet very cozy and comfy. Though can you imagine being in such a bar at 16:00 when the sun was still shining high with a bunch of philosophers??? And we really did philosophize, too...... unrivaled and decisive NERDISHNESS, I know); the air is still thick, but I can breathe better now; the water still bland, but is kinda starting to taste a little sweet; the food still not quite as good, but I do my own cooking most of the time anyways, so that doesn't really matter too much anymore. One thing that I still do not care too much about is sports, and I don't expect that to change anytime soon. So Dan was right: whatsoever your heart desires, you will find in Pittsburgh.

Strange, but oddly there is a degree of truth to that.

Now, that is not to say that Pittsburgh has completely risen atop of the Northwest. By far, I still love Seattle more than any place in the world, and I still adore my undergraduate professors at Seattle University, and continue to keep in touch with them, visiting for lunch or coffee if I'm in town. I still want to return, if not for my ph.D, at least for a job, or eventually. However, I must say, that the Steel City is getting quite close to heart.

2008-04-05T17:58:00.000-07:00

no easy way out

how can i be strong

if i am fighting alone?

were i to give up...

the bittersweet memories of a lost love

will accompany my lonely nights.

PSO Bravo!!

2008-03-15T09:32:00.000-07:00

Last night, Naoko and I went to another PSO (Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra) performance, the program originally had the legendary Alfred Brendal with his last performance on the piano before retiring. Unfortunately, we found ourselves surprised when we opened the program. Listed on an attached sheet to the pamphlet was (instead of Sir Andrew Davis as conductor and Mr. Brendal on the piano, playing Sibelius' The Oceanides, Beethoven's Piano Concerto No. 3, Bach's Three Chorale Preludes, and Stravinsky's Symphony in Three Movements--the reason I went was for Bach and Stravinsky) conductor Stéphane Denève, and Emanuel Ax on the piano: performing Maurice Ravel's Pavane pour une infante défunte; Beethoven's Concerto No. 2 in B-flat Major for Piano and Orchestra, Op.19; Mr. Ax's own piano composition; Gabriel-Urbaine Fauré's Suite from Pelléas et Mélisande, Op. 80; and Albert Roussel's Suite No. 2 from Bacchus et Ariane, Op. 43.

Needless to say, we were both initially extremely disappointed: we would not be able to see Brendal at his final performance. Many seats around us were also empty, and we hypothesized that it might have been because of his absence due to illness. (We also found out later last night when we returned home, that his cancelled performance had been posted on PSO's website; we just did not think to check it before leaving.) But in the end, we were both glad we went.

The first piece by Ravel moved both Naoko and I to tears. It was such a beautiful piece, full of bittersweet, melancholic sadness. Beethoven's Concerto No. 2 was not bad, but not particularly my favorite. Fauré's Sicilienne was really good, though my favorite of the night has to be Roussel's No. 2 from the opera Bacchus et Ariane. It was really AWESOME. I know this might be a rather colloquial word, but seriously, there is no other word to describe it! It was like watching a ballet performance with your ears!

EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT PERFORMANCE!

只愛你一個

2008-03-11T07:45:00.000-07:00

Sad MV.... Although the content does not really match the lyrics, it is still not bad. According to the lyrics, it seems like the man is supposed to have died, leaving the woman lonely and by herself, thinking of him everynight. I like the song itself better.

2008-03-09T15:46:00.000-07:00

今天換我家 Naoko 煮飯，所以爽到了！
就等著吃~
通常是我煮，所以今天難得什麼都不用做，就要寫在 blog 上~
不過晚上就換我洗碗了~

嗯~~~~~~
聞到香味了。。。
好餓喔~

我沒有錯。。。。。

2008-03-08T15:43:00.000-08:00

為什麼要那麼大聲的跟我講話呢？
嚇得我眼淚都流滿面了。

後來沒那麼驚才回想，哭個屁阿！

可是。。。。。。

怕怕！

嗯啊。。。。

今天晚上要吃什麼呢？

好感動的一首歌！差點哭出來！

2008-03-06T20:31:00.000-08:00

Better Version

2008-03-03T18:58:00.001-08:00

This is a more clearer version of the MV I was talking about on my previous post.

阿郎

2008-03-02T17:51:00.000-08:00

哇哈哈哈！

總於被我在網上找到龍千玉跟袁小迪合唱的「阿郎」MV了！
找了超久的！果然是王天不負有心人！
當初是因為在台灣看到這個 MV 讓我跑出去新竹大街上買這張轉輯，真的很欣賞她美麗，優雅，但又帶著一絲絲的悲哀的歌聲。之後就深深的愛上龍千玉了！她跟蔡小虎合唱的歌都很好聽！不過我想我的第一愛還是這首「阿郎」。她的 MV 真的拍的很好看！只有一個字形容：贊！

這裡跟大家分享！請點以下的網站：
http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/d6TMWZgoDoQ/

P.S. 這首歌是我跟我家比比在 KTV 必點唱的歌喔！我們還唱的很有感情唷！ㄎㄎ~~

快咳死了啦~~~

2008-03-02T16:22:00.000-08:00

病了整整一個禮拜，今天好不容易才覺得好一點。
結果。。。

在咖啡廳裡看書的時候忍不住點了一沒 latte，現在就一直咳！
都沒辦法停！
咳到我家 Naoko 和竟嘉都受不了，也為我難過！
咳到我整個內脹都很不舒服！
已經喝了很多的溫開水了，可是還是沒啥用。
回到家，Naoko 拿了一些日本創的消沿藥給我，
然後自己又泡了一杯疆母茶，就好像好了一點了。

真難過。
希望會趕快好。
我還真的不想應為生病而影響我的課業。不然就真的很難追得上課程了！

在 Crazy Mocha 裡看了有六小時的書，總於我也看不下去了，就跟她們說想出去走走。
今天天氣真的很好！然後也看到很多人在溜狗~~~
超可愛的~~~~~~~~~
害我們三個人都心癢癢的，想要去養一隻小狗。。。
小貓也可以啦，比較好照顧。

Snowstorm and house party

2008-02-29T18:16:00.000-08:00

今天 Pittsburgh 下大雪。我們本來是打算叫學校的朋友一起過來吃飯。
結果，因為雪下的真的太大了，到最後只有竟嘉和李靜來。
本來只需要十五分鐘的行程，她們花了有兩個小時才到我們家。
不過我們吃了好多好多好吃的東西！
她們帶了一些台灣小吃，Naoko 做ちらしすし，我做了一盤上海炒年糕，吃得好飽！
竟嘉還幫我帶了臭豆腐，本來也有一杯珍奶的，可是半路上杯子破掉，所以。。。。
就要等下次再去買來喝囉！

今天感冒好很多了。前幾天真的是躺在床上半死！
超難過的！又不能好好的呼吸，頭又暈，然後又全身酸痛，躺在床上都不能動，也很難講話，因為喉嚨太痛了。不過睡了兩天，也幸好室友都很能諒解，飯都他們煮，還幫我去買藥，今天好很多了。現在我們三個就坐在一起，上上網。真的滿溫馨的。

Crepes Parisiennes

2008-02-25T20:14:00.001-08:00

Taken from the vantage of Naoko's side. Hers was a butter and brown sugar crepe, and mine (below) was a macaroon (coconut, butter, brown sugar, mixed berries, and walnuts). Absolutely scrumpdidylicious!!! Their coffee is not bad, though like most places, it depends on who's pulling the shots. For the most part, it's quite good. The strange thing is their seating policy: you *must* order before finding a seat. The one on Walnut is almost always packed, but the one in Oakland is usually better in terms of being able to sit down immediately after ordering.

Mmmmm...... Looking at that makes me want to go again tomorrow. But since my throat hurts like a b*tch, I don't think it's a good idea to eat sweet stuff.

Look what came today, by "Royal Mail"!!!

2008-02-25T15:32:00.000-08:00

After seeing some of these exquisitely hand-crafted uber-cute dolls, I've always wanted one for myself. This one fits neatly in the palm of my hand, and is my new best friend. I've decided to name her "Sara."

Second Annual Duquesne Graduate Philosophy Conference

2008-02-24T07:30:00.001-08:00

Yesterday we had our second annual graduate conference, with six presentations from grads at the New School, Purdue, and Boston College, and a five minute response from our department, ending with a feature lecture from Professor John Sallis, renowned scholar in contemporary and ancient philosophy. I had the honor of preparing a response to one of the presentations, namely from Phillip Braunstein at BC. It was a very difficult paper, "Retrieving the Future from the Past"--half of it was in German and Greek (languages I don't know except for a few philosophical catch phrases, like Geisteswissenschaften, nachtraglichkeit, unheimlichkeit, eidos, logos, melete.... and so on, words you never use in everyday dialogue), and the font didn't come out right, so the Greek was unreadable. But I did my best, and had wonderful support from my colleagues who rooted my right along. Everyone seemed to have loved it, so I feel pretty good about it. Chris was telling me how during the decision panel for who should give responses at the conference, initially some had doubts whether they should let a first year take the duty, because in the past, the papers ended up to be too difficult for a first year to handle. But Chris and some others apparently believed in me, and decided, "Yeah, Jen should do it. She's good." So do it, I did.

After Dr. Sallis' presentation on "Exorbitant Logic", we had a wine, cheese, and fruit reception at the Silverman Phenomenology Center (which probably had many of Sallis' books on the shelves). We finished off the night at Jim's place, where everyone just hung around, talked about philosophy, had alcohol, danced, had more alcohol, talked more about philosophy. (Yup. That's pretty much what philosophers do in a nutshell.) I had a great time. I've never seen a bunch of drunk philosophers bouncing around to '60s funk music before. Even some of my professors were there. Jim, who used to be a bartender in New York, literally had his own mini bar at home, and went around sending shots of Kamikazes and Cosmopolitans, and whatever was desired. I begged Jim to make me a Vodka Martini, and it was the best I had ever had. He even gave me olives! I've joined the fan club! Jim truly does make the best drinks; it was what I've been told, and I had to see it for myself. I was not disappointed.

Great times!!

Static hair and electrocution

2008-02-21T16:19:00.000-08:00

One of the things I totally despise about dry, cold weather is all the static that my hair generates. As soon as I take off my beanie, my hair disperses out, each individual strand electrically charged with static. It's so annoying! Does anybody know of any good remedies???

幸福

2008-02-15T19:48:00.000-08:00

什麼是幸福？幸福在那裡？
彷佛好像曾見過面。
可是為什麼現在卻想不起來它的面摸呢？

是離我太搖遠了嗎？
還是只是一個夢？

也許，
我要找的「幸福」跟我無緣。

我所幻想的，朝思幕想的，
也只是一個永遠得不到的期待。
期待著永不會來到的幸福。

空等。
等阿等。

原來。。。。。。

是癡人說夢話。

Nostalgic

2008-02-05T06:42:00.000-08:00

This is the first year I will not be able to spend Chinese New Years with my family. Mom told me that tomorrow night, in the new part of the house (it's finally finished!), all my aunts and uncles and cousins and my Grandma will come together to have 團圓飯 (lit. "harmonious circle rice", a tradition where the family should gather the night of New Year's Eve and eat round dumplings). I really miss my parents. I also miss my dog.... But even if I go home now, I will not see Willy ever again, if only in photographs, and in memory. (T_T)

I miss Grandma's New Year's rice cakes, and Aunt Yi's round dumplings. I wish I could go home.

Disney on Broadway: The Lion King

2008-02-01T20:49:00.000-08:00

Lion King? On Broadway? Played live? By humans???

I was very skeptical at first. But Naoko told me that this musical was very well known, and highly rated. So I took her word, and was expecting great things on the night that we were to watch it at Benedum Center. I was not disappointed, and the performance awed me as well as the entire audience. Superb musicality, ridiculously awesome choreography and special stage effects! Rafiki (played by Phindile Mkhize) began the show with such a powerful, and charismatic start in the "Circle of Life"! She was absolutely amazing!! I was at a lost for words. The entire cast did such a great job, though I was most impressed with the characters Rafiki, Scar (played by Timothy Carter), and Pumbaa (Ben Lipitz). Very heartwarming, and I really enjoyed it. Highly recommended for all ages! You think you know the original Disney version well? The Broadway reenactment is a bit different, with more songs, and lots of great dances, and certainly not to be missed if you like live performances.

Go here to see details.

My first ballroom lessons

2008-01-31T17:19:00.000-08:00

As I suspected, I really had such a wonderful time at my first ballroom lessons last night! We learned the basic steps for rumba and waltz. Of course, I had really been looking forward to learning how to dance gracefully for quite some time -- not that I achieved that goal last night. Quite the contrary, I was rather clumsy on my feet, particularly in waltz. Rumba was much easier, and more natural, which I think is the common consensus. The Latin dances are more fun, with lots of hip action, though not as much as the samba or cha-cha-cha; another reason that rumba is easy to transition to from the normal, clubbing dance that almost anyone can do. Waltz is beautiful, elegant, and classic. I've always wanted to do waltz more than the other dances. Ever since I was a child, I've always dreams of twirling around the ballroom in a gorgeous, flowing gown, with my hair done up as if I were royalty.

Last night there was more stumbling and fo0t-stepping on my partners than the eloquent twirls that I had envisaged. I think it's really because I was unable to attend the first class where they introduced the very basics of box-stepping and turning. The night ended much too soon, and everyone slowly departed after the last group waltzing around the room. There were a few people lingering afterwards, practicing the night's new lessons. As Regina and I put on our coats and got ready to leave (I did so reluctantly because I did not want to leave), I noticed another guy waltzing in extremely good posture by himself, his arms wrapped around an imaginary partner. Regina commented on how smooth he moved around the room, and that he was even wearing dancing shoes. I made a remark expressing uncertainty if I should ask him for advice, and Regina shoo-ed me along and said, "Go ahead. I'll just wait right here for you." The man apparently was not a part of our beginner class, and was taking professional lessons earlier that night over in South Side and just came to practice and watch. Patrick spoke with an European accent, though I can't be sure which one. It is definitely not the British accent, a bit like Irish, but my guess is that he's from Scotland. So anyhow, he took pains on teaching me the basic steps of moving around the room with a partner, and I could not get the steps right! I was constantly on the wrong foot. "Don't look down" he would say every five seconds, "just try to feel which side my weight is leaned against. Your head should be looking over my right shoulder." I tried, but still could not get it right. I told him how counter-intuitive the steps were. He said, "Let me put it this way, perhaps this would help, don't think. Just follow my lead, and trust your feet."

Don't think??? But I'm a philosopher! I do nothing but think! Follow his lead??? What the hell does that mean? I never follow! I always take my own lead! So whilst all that was streaming in my private consciousness, nevertheless, I tried to comply with his advice.

...and it worked! I still stumbled a few times on the wrong foot, but after about 15 minutes or so, I really started to get the feel of swaying and gliding (primitively) across the dance floor. Every minute or so Patrick would say "look over my shoulder" or "hold your head high" or "don't look down" or "watch your posture." At the end, Patrick said I was improving a lot, and assured that once I get used to it, I wouldn't have to think or calculate which foot goes next. I thanked him for his kind guidance, and hurriedly ran back to Regina, who was waiting patiently. "That was great, Jennifer! Near the end, it started to look good!" When we left, I couldn't stop thinking about what I learned that night, and how much fun I had, despite some very interesting dancing partners I got paired up with randomly. I called my mom while I waiting for the bus in -10 C weather, who was very pleased, and I was practically dancing the way home. I tried to review a bit in our small living room, just so I wouldn't forget as quickly. I am seriously considering the professional classes, which cost only $5 each time for students, but I am not sure how or if I will be able to fit that in my schedule. But I had so much fun, and I am definitely looking forward to next class!

A Beautiful Year of Weddings

2008-01-23T20:11:00.000-08:00

This year must be *the* year for weddings. I have just found out (and I am the first of her friends to know) that my dear good friend Miki just got engaged!! Her boyfriend, Isao, proposed to her on January 23, which is the same date that they starting dating last year. He used the same stone from his mother's engagement ring and reset it with a new band -- it was his family's idea. They are planning to have a wedding this summer (either June or July) in Guam. I am so happy for her!

So this year's wedding schedule:
Mayumi and Jeff
Alisha and Warren, April
Yu and Audrey, June
Miki and Isao, June/July

Quite exciting!!!

To all my dear friends:
I wish you the very best, and may your happiness and love for each other exceed the small quarrels that come with marriages! (And any relationship, for that matter!)

Breakfast at Parisiennes

2008-01-20T12:21:00.000-08:00

This morning Naoko and I went to Crepes Parisiennes, a French cafe in Shadyside, for breakfast. It was a below freezing morning walk at -11 C; both our faces and ears and noses were falling off. But it was definitely worth it!! They have wonderful, exquisite crepes with a wide selection of breakfast/lunch and dessert crepes--better than the one in downtown Seattle across from the Cheesecake Factory. We were also there yesterday late-afternoon. I had a macaroon with cream and berries, and Naoko had a maple crepe. This morning we both had a mixed veggies with cheese (mine contained an egg) and coffee.

I've almost forgotten how nice it is to just relax with a friend over brunch and coffee!

Last night we (Naoko, Yukino, and I) went to a maki-sushi party at Koichiro Suzuki's (we call him "Chewy") girlfriend's birthday party. Everyone there were from the music school, Yukino and I made the exception. I actually had a great time, and there was actually food I could eat! Yuriya is the nicest person and a great host. Actually, they both are, and they make a great couple. I met some musicians from our school, and even received some advice on how to conduct intro philosophy classes in such a way that students might engage in discussion more than is typical from freshmen and sophomores.

疲れちゃった〜

2008-01-18T20:17:00.000-08:00

今日はとても復札のショッピング日だった。

今、とてもつかれちゃた〜
眠い。。。
でも、もうコンファレンスの物がいっぱいにあって、たぶんしないなければはありませんね〜　できのほうがいいのに、今からがんばります〜

Children

2008-01-16T19:58:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I really wish that I had my own children, especially when I see little ones running around, yelling, shrieking, laughing, rolling all over the place... children are such precious, beautiful things and really bundles of joy! So full of life, innocence, and the purity and kindness of the humanity.

What does it mean to have a family, I wonder? If I will ever have kids of my own, I would give them my all--anything and everything I have, and teach them all that I have ever been taught. How wonderful it must be to have children! Although I do no doubt the impatience that accompanies parenthood. Sometimes kids are really so impossible! And yet the joy they bring into our lives must certainly exceed the trying times!

*sigh~

Second semester begins!!!

2008-01-08T20:35:00.000-08:00

My first class yesterday (on Aquinas and his commentary and philosophy of the soul) was not bad, but a bit dull, perhaps because it was the first day, and largely because there was no provocative discussion. It's one of those things where you somehow know that it's not the class for you. Aquinas is interesting, but probably not my thing.

My class today was great, though! It's called the philosophy of communication, and the professor, Dr. Wilhelm Wurzer is quite a fascinating person. He is from Frankfurt University and a contemporary of some of the greatest figures of continental philosophy: Habermas, Gadamer, Derrida, etc. He is also dying from brain cancer, and death for him is something absolutely real, and on the verge of his horizon. And yet he is such an optimistic person. Tonight, he literally went in for brain surgery, and came straight into class and gave an introduction to the philosophy of communication, a very interesting and intriguing topic, I must add. Today the relationship between politics, philosophy and the common life dominated most of our discussion. I think I will like this class. I heard from a colleague that he's the one to go to for interest in figures such as Derrida (whom I love), Adorno, and Nietzsche--really random handful of philosophers. I am actually really excited for this class.

Tomorrow I have Spinoza's ethics, and Thursday I have Husserl's Ideas, both of which have been said to be very promising. I sure hope so!

2007-12-28T21:42:00.000-08:00

Mother said to me today:

"I used to be very ambitious. I wanted to expand my business to 5 different sites, and buy many, many houses, own lots of property. But now, after Willy passed away, I don't want anything anymore... All that is now meaningless."

I look into mother's eyes. They were red, puffy, and watery. It really breaks my heart to see her like this. Willy's death hit her very hard. Each time we talk about him, or if she sees his pictures, it always brings tears to her eyes. I don't know what to do... I would think that getting her another dog would make it better. But I doubt that father would approve. I think she's doing a lot better now - it's been a month since Willy went to doggy heaven. But I think deep inside she yearns for him.

So do I.

2007-12-15T12:23:00.000-08:00

In Loving Memory

William Lucky Law

27 November 2007

a blessing to our household

who brought much joy, laughter, warmth, and love to our family

remembered for his attitude, his pure cuteness, his affection

no words or tears will bring him back to us

but he will remain forever in our hearts

and as that new, shining bright star above

we all love you dearly, and miss you so much

Beethoven's No. 5

2007-11-11T12:23:00.000-08:00

A few weeks ago, the girls and I went to listen to Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra's performance of Beethoven's No. 5. It was quite an experience! Going to the symphony and experiencing the music first hand is certainly different than listening to a digital recording, even you have the best home sound system, being there and participating in the musical even is something else altogether. But because No. 5 is so well known, and so thoroughly saturated in our culture (I almost want to say that it extends to many different cultures out of the Anglo-saxon tradition, but will not say so in case I am accused of being Eurocentric, which I am not), sometimes when I think about the first movement, I want to laugh. Don't know why. I'm sure if I wanted to, and if I had the time, I could even write an essay on this.

I still think Seattle Symphony Orchestra is the best. Hail Seattle and all things rainy and caffeinated!!

lol~

And I can't wait to get home this coming Thursday! Not that I will really have too much free time, since I will be bringing my Macbook and my philosophical books to work on my many, many projects. But being around family and friends and Willy certainly is a comforting thought. We don't really celebrate Thanksgiving, but being home for the holidays definitely beats staying in our crappy dorm hall. And of course, Seattle has the most scrumpdidlyumptious food ever! (Not to compare with Taiwan or Japan.....)

Rashes

2007-11-07T17:24:00.000-08:00

I am getting rashes all over my body! My abdomen, across my lower back, my arms, neckline, and on the sides of my legs... Little red spots... itchy at times, but mostly just annoying - not to mention visually repulsive - every time I see it after showering. I honestly do not know what the cause of it is - maybe change of soap and lotion, maybe the water, maybe the cold, dry, and windy Pittsburgh weather, possibly stress, perhaps hormonal changes, or even bad school food.... don't know which of the above is the correct reason.

Yesterday I went to the school doctor, and she gave me some Benadryl and told me to stop using the soap and lotion (L'Occitane Orange Sunshine) and switch to mild soap and unscented lotion. She recommended Dove soap and Vaseline body lotion for extreme dry skin.

No progress.
In fact, it might have even worsen. Well, I'm going in for check up on Friday, and hopefully by then I will see some improvements.

Am I falling apart?!

....And the weather here has been brutally cold! That is an understatement. It has been *excruciatingly, frigidly freezing*! Today was a high of 5 C with a low of -3 C. Below freezing. With high winds on the hill Duquesne lies atop of! I only have to stand outside for less than 30 seconds without a hat, and my ears already feel frostbitten - I don't feel them at all! I would never have imagined cold to be this cold. What really makes it worse than Seattle is the merciless wind. When it blows, it hits your face like a thousand needles!

I can't wait until I go back to Seattle for the Thanksgiving holidays to see my family, my BB, and of course, my silly friends. I will still be studying most of the time when everyone else is at work, but at least I get to be home. With Willy. And my parents. And of course my brat sister. And clean water and clean air and wonderful, yummy food and coffee! And a car!!!

My New Favorite Band! Recommended by Yukino-chan~

2007-11-05T08:21:00.000-08:00

Brittle nails 2

2007-11-01T13:57:00.000-07:00

Nails broke again! This time with blood!!
Ouch!

It's never been this bad before. Maybe I need to watch my calcium intake. My baby says I need to take in some kind of fat to absorb the calcium, and I also need zinc.

Will try....

Midterm has ended.... and now on to the essays

2007-11-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

What a relief it is to finally finish my midterm! I was certainly not expected to have actual exams in graduate level, particularly because of the nature of our department. You cannot really test someone's "knowledge" in philosophy... at least not until we have to take the comprehensive exams before we graduate.

For my philosophy 505 seminar on Freud and psychoanalysis, our professor gave us a total of *fifteen* essay questions to prepare, and told us that on the day of the test, he would pick any two, and we would write accordingly. No choice. Which meant that we had to really prepare for all fifteen essays. And these were not easy questions either. Here is a sample:

More often than not, neurotic patients suffer from unconscious guilt. Present and evaluate Freud's thoughts on its pathogenesis, beginning with his theory of identification from Mourning and Melancholia, and ending with his view, from The Ego and the Id, that the super-ego is the heir to the Oedipus complex. Be sure to discuss the vicious cycle of guilt, repression, and masochistic aggression that can exacerbate a neurosis, even killing the neurotic (by suicide). How does Freudian psychoanalysis promise to break this vicious cycle and alleviate unconscious guilt? Be sure to discuss Freud's dictum, "Wo Es war, soll Ich werden." What danger does Lear see in Freud's complementary dictum that the analyst stands in relation to the patient as the patient's ego stands in relation to his id? Be sure to discuss the tension between identification and autonomy. Even if this danger can be avoided, finally, how does the negative therapeutic reaction threaten to frustrate an analysis? Is there any reason to hope in the face of many dangers and frustrations?

.......and this whole entire paragraph is one essay question.

There were fifteen on the handout. I spent an entire week - seven days! - rigorously studying Freudian psychoanalyis concepts and preparing for these questions. I thought it was a bit ludicrous that he would not be giving us a choice on the day of the exam. I do not mind having fifteen essays to prepare - writing and thinking, after all, is the nature of philosophy. But to not give us a choice?! I was quite upset. I called my mom and told her about the format, and unsurprisingly, she said, "Why, of course! It's a good format! That is how it's supposed to be, especially at your level." I think the idea is that by "our level", we must pretty much be close to experts at the topic. And one good thing is that it really does force us not only to know the material, but also be able to think analytically and critically. And I suppose it is good practice for the comps as well... and the comps is a entirely different story.

When we did take it, our professor did give us a choice, which was a relief. He even bought everyone whatever they wanted from Starbucks, which was really nice of him. I think I did alright; not as good as my expectations for myself were. Am I a Freud expert? Hardly. Now, I am just glad it is over with. Except now, I have to finish two essays before Friday, and start working on three final term research papers, and on top of that, there are the usuals: readings and preparations for class, short writing exercises, and conference papers. And I am not even teaching yet! I can't imagine how bombarded with work I would be when that time comes around, with grading and class preparation and all that...

Where in the world do scholars find the time to do anything?!?!

Brittle nails

2007-10-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

Lately my nails have been breaking frequently on me. Usually I wear nail polish, but generally speaking it is not a good idea to keep polish on nails for over 5 days. So last night, I took it off. And today.....

TA DA!

Whatd'ya know! Broken nails so deep, even after trimming them down to the white line, I still could not get rid of the cracked part! I don't want to sound like Miss Prissy, but *it hurts*!!! So from today on, I'm either going to keep my nails short, or if I grow them, I have to put on some polish to strengthen them. I hate it!! Now my nails look so ugly! Before, they were perfect... Now I am pissed and sad....

Brown paper packages tied up with string....

2007-10-25T16:10:00.000-07:00

...These are a few of my favorite things!

Okay, well maybe it doesn't have to be with string - duc-tape will do. Which was what I received today! From Mayumi! In London!! Unfortunately I had to wait until after class to open up the bundle of joy. Included were:

Organic tutti frutti jelly bears
Two dried fruit snacks
One jar of seaweed for rice (yum!!), ごはんですよ!
A box of Twinnings Earl Grey (my favorite!)
A really, really cute monster phone charm (it has an orange, triclop octopus, and a blue bear-like monster)
8 pins from my favorite Tim Burton classic, Nightmare Before Christmas
...and a box of women stuff.

So happy! Obviously, Mayumi was right on cue of what things I like!
Thanks** a bunch!

I also received letters from Rebecca and Miki - thank you! It's nice getting traditional letters in this info-tech era of mass emailing and mass blogging. It is at moments like this that I realize how lucky I am to have such dear friends! (Out of our group of friends here, I think I have received the most stuff from home.)

It is indeed a blessing!

^-^

学校のご飯が大嫌いになったぞう~~

2007-10-23T09:01:00.000-07:00

This morning's breakfast made a great start for the day. By courtesy of Naoko, we - Naoko, Yukino, and I - had a "traditional Japanese breakfast party" which consisted of rice, natto, miso soup, pickled cucumbers (sent by my darling in Seattle), and hot tea. And it was *so* good! This has been the best breakfast since I came here!

^_^ とても幸せになってた~

And Naoko and I were discussing (and lamenting) about how we could not eat school food anymore. It is not that we don't want to; we do, particularly because we already paid $2000 for the meal plan: but our stomachs simply won't take in the food anymore. Initially, I had thought that I would be able to take American cafeteria food for one semester. Little did I know that by the end of the second month, the food simply won't sit well in my stomach. Gesine and Janine don't seem to be having a problem, maybe because they are used to Western food. But for us Asians, it is a dramatic change. It has gotton to the point where I would prefer instant noodles over cooked food in Towers! (Note: Towers is another dormitory on campus where we go to for our meals.) Not to also mention there have been recent spottings of cockroaches scurrying across the walls and corners of the cafeteria...

I am trying hard not to be picky, and keep telling myself that at least I have food to eat; and honestly, I am very proud of myself thus far. But now, I just can't eat any more cafeteria food. Every time I think about it, I feel nauseatingly disgusted. And yes, I know there are many people starving in third world countries, but I am not asking for luxury food. I can have rice, miso soup, simple veggies with tofu and egg, and natto everyday, and it would still be cheaper, healthier, (not to mention cleaner) than the meals at school. (For reference, we pay $6.50, 7.50, and 8.50 for breakfast, lunch, and dinner respectively.) Eating and cooking at home would be much more economical, and my stomach would be more happy.

Last night, Naoko, Yukino and I went to Ginza, a Korean/Japanese restaurant. It was so spicy and so good! And the price is the same as what we pay in Towers. Just over this weekend, Sha and I walked to the strip district with international markets, and I found a couple of Asian market places, one Korean, one Taiwanese. I am very happy, but the only problem is, it takes 30-40 minutes by foot, the same time by bus costing over $7 per roundtrip! I wish I had a car.... Maybe I can convince mom to let me lease a car? It is much too inconvenient, only because of the strange location of the Asian markets.

*sigh~
こちの生活はとても大変ですね！どうしようかな〜

And it is raining really hard outside. I don't mind it, even if I have to walk in it in a while. It reminds me of Seattle....

Maintenance

2007-10-21T16:18:00.000-07:00

因為不能見面，電話變成我們唯一的方法。
沒有了電話，就沒有了我們。
你好像離我越來越遠了。

能心性相連嗎？

我還真是不知道。。。。

Pissed off.

2007-10-20T12:29:00.000-07:00

It is okay to go party at night clubs - especially if it is a "business" request. But it is *not* okay to get drunk and go crazy in the club with 30 other girls dancing and messing around. I do not object to partying - I object to losing control at these so-called nightclubs. I think I have pretty high tolerance for these things, and on my part, I am as generous and understanding as a woman can possibly be.

But really. Don't push my buttons. I, too, have a limit.
Cross my boundaries, and it won't be pretty.

What is it about these cyber network sytems?

2007-10-19T11:02:00.000-07:00

Recently I just joined Facebook. Something I would have never done had I stayed in Seattle. I already have a MySpace and a Friendster that I rarely use. But here in Pittsburgh, all my friends use Facebook - and I mean, they actually use it, i.e. send messages, update statuses, send photos, gifts, and etc. So by popular demand (laugh) I set one up.

I still think the traditional hand-written letters are more personal. But here in our high, info-tech era, everyone uses the internet.

I suppose I have no choice but to conform.

after dark....

2007-10-15T08:58:00.000-07:00

I am once again impressed with the fantastic world of Murakami! I finally managed to finish one of his newest novels, After Dark just about two weeks ago. It reads fast, and is quite captivating. I'm not quite certain what to make of the ending, and as usual he leaves the ending open. And as I've read elsewhere (can't remember exactly where), unlike Kafka he offers his characters a possible point of salvation: While depressing, not all is lost - he manages to bring in some of the more optimistic points of life.

I highly recommend After Dark.

In love with the Phantom!

2007-10-14T19:54:00.000-07:00

For the first time, I finally got to watch Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera...... and immediately fell in love with it! Gerard Butler (playing the phantom) was amazing! (Not to say, exceptionally good looking as well.) While secretly inside I wish that the ending could be different, I am nonetheless happy with this version. Naoko said that the musical is better, only because at live performances you really feel the drama as it unfolds on the stage in front of you. Someday I would like to go to New York and watch the Broadway version. Below is one of my favorite photos of the movie: what I like particularly is the contrast between the Phantom's black suit and Christine's white dress, with a striking white mask - she is his mask and he her voice.

Gerard Butler has now become one of my favorite actors (along with Antonio Banderas - who also plays the Phantom in another version - Johnny Depp, and others).

2007-10-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

Graduate studies in philosophy is so much more demanding that I would have ever imagined it to be. There never seems to be enough time to do anything else amidst the endless piles of articles to read and critique, reading summaries to write up so as to prepare for class, and.... oh! I don't know what else. I asked for it, I know. I suppose I enjoy it..... perhaps unconsciously......

And I must say that I never knew I would have so many things apart from school work that I could do! So far I've been to the symphony twice, seen a Broadway musical - things I would not do in Seattle only because I wouldn't be able to find an interested companion - and of course there are the shopping trips, dinners, and bars. Next Friday, we (Gesine, Naoko, and I) are going to listen to the Pittsburgh Symphony, and this time they are playing Beethoven's No. 5. I am very excited! If it wasn't for Naoko (she plays the trombone) I don't think I would ever had the chance to listen to live orchestras.

Beetle in the house!

2007-10-01T13:27:00.000-07:00

Ewww!

Gross!!!!!!

I HATE BUGS!!!!!!

...and when I was trying to get rid of it by capturing it in a cup, one of its legs got caught on the edge, and now the poor thing is wobbling. Hopefully, it will grow back soon enough.

Yet, I still hate bugs.
.......ewwwwness~

Finally! A chance to rest....

2007-09-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

After one week of furiously catching up with my studies, I am able to sit down and do more important things like shopping online (so far I've only purchased one book on Labyrinthbooks.com, a very good site for scholars and academics b.t.w.), checking out my friends' websites, blogging, and catching up on Dancing with the Stars and Ugly Betty season premiers. And yet, there is more work to be done, and of course always something left to begin, continue, or finish....

I have decided that today will be an easy day - maybe I'll do some readings, but other than that and a lecture on "Heidegger and Lao Tze" by Professor of Philosophy Jin Xiping visiting from Beijing University this evening, I think I'll be lazy for one day. I am really looking forward to the lecture though, considering the Professor is Chinese. Eastern philosophy has for the most part been at best superficially scratched. Personally, I think Lao Tze and Confucius are at least ten times harder than Heidegger or Nietzsche (maybe even exceeding the Greeks Plato and Aristotle). I think it will be well worth the wait.

又哭了

2007-09-24T09:16:00.000-07:00

昨天送了我家比比去機場，本來跟自己說好：
不能哭。

但卻又無法控制。。。
眼淚卻流下來。。。

離別真傷感。
不想比比看到我這樣，可是。。。
很難。

真的。

昨晚睡覺的時候想到他又不知不覺的哭了。
只能抱著枕頭先生，自己安慰自己。。。

J'adore...

2007-09-19T08:18:00.000-07:00

My coffee must have cream (either half and half or powdered creamer) brown sugar, and the coffee bean itself should preferably be Ethiopian... Unless I am drinking just for the caffeine; I suppose I might as well shoot myself with a syringe filled with pure caffeine extract. That would be more effective.

My tea is either a good Earl Grey - not too strong, not too weak, with just a tinge of lemon zest - or Taiwanese Mountain tea.

My definition of an excellent dinner: White or brown rice that is not too soggy, and not too hard; natto with mustard and wasabi; eggs of some sort; a clear, veggie broth soup with cilantro; tofu; vegetable plates with a nice mixture of color so as to ensure complete nutrition; and Asian green tea (Earl Grey will not do in this case).

For writing, I use either a nice, heavy fountain pen with black Montblanc ink or blue Cartier, or I use Zebra Sarasa ink pens, black, grey-blue, navy-blue, orange, pink, and occasionally sky blue and light green.

My class notes are written with the fountain pen, preferably in black ink.

Reading notes written inside the margins are in orange, and Professor's point of interest are highlighted in pink. Reading summaries are either blue or black, and fountain or ink pen will do.

Essay editing and revisions are in pink. I rarely highlight lines with the thick markers because in addition to underlining with a thin, 0.5 point pen, I must also be able to scribble notes and thoughts on the side. Hence, it must be 0.5.

I refuse to use ball point unless I am writing something insignificant that would be tossed away.

I rarely use pencil, since I don't like to erase. When I make mistakes with my pen, I simply cross it out, so as to better see my thinking and writing processes on paper and learn from my errors.

I prefer blank, smooth paper for a couple reasons: 1. It is better for the nib of my fountain pen, 2. I think lined paper restricts my creativity with designated areas to write, whereas on a blank sheet I am free to write anywhere I wish without it looking messy. So far, Japanese paper is rated number one for the perfect texture and shade of white. (Moleskine, Crane, and Clairefontaine make my fountain pen bleed.) I try to use recycle paper from the printers in my school's library as much as possible.

My clothes in the wardrobe and drawers should be colored coded, and separated according to season, tops, bottoms, and undergarments. Socks are also organized in this fashion. Shoes must be faced towards me, unless the shelf is tilted.

My books on the shelf are filed under History, Philosophy, Language, Literary Fiction, and Reference, with a small section for arts and crafts, and must be in alphabetically order.

Every room, every space e.g. my car, must have a disposal bin of some sort.

The perfect bathroom should have 6 towels:

to wash the body
to wash the face
to dry the body
to dry the hair
to dry the hands
to wipe off water from the sink counter

I am not a snob. I am just particular about my ways of life.

And my friends.....

I love for who they are.

Extra Perks

2007-09-19T07:05:00.000-07:00

This morning I stumbled out of bed at 7:48 and into the bathroom, glasses crooked on my face, but it didn't really matter since my eyes weren't fully open anyways. And of course, as early as I could bring myself to wake up, Yukino and Naoko are always already up, fully dressed, and putting on makeup. Such spirit!

Once every week, Sarah (the Graduate Assistant of our hall) and the Commons Association organizes an Extra Perks event downstairs in the lobby with coffee, tea, hot chocolate, and various breakfast pastries. Today we had loaves: cranberry, banana walnut, and cinnamon. Yukino, Gesine and I went downstairs first, and was later joined by Naoko. We were all very sleepy - at least, Gesine and I were. It was hard to even start a morning conversation as our little minds were not yet awake. Rose (a law student) came down, nicely dressed, and looked dreamy and dazed. Apparently she did not get into bed until 2 a.m., and woke up at 7 this morning to get ready for class at 9. I really don't know how she does it. If my class began at 9, I probably wouldn't wake up until 8:40.

I suppose I could have slept in today, but really needed to study. I have not yet done my readings for my Freud class, and honestly am not looking forward to it. Sexual theories simply do not interest me. Neither does psychology. Maybe phenomenology, but so far we have been focusing on Freud's theory, and not much on his critics. It would be more interesting if we could read some of his cultural and historical theories, but being a class on psychoanalysis, unfortunately that would not be probable.

I need coffee.....
Don't want to study......
That sounds strange.....

Eternal Sunshine and the Spotless Mind

2007-09-15T07:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday our school was visited by renowned scholar and philosopher C.D.C. Reeve, distinguished translator of the Ancient Greek texts of Plato including Republic, several dialogues and manuscripts; he is also interested in psychoanalysis, film analysis, and I don't remember what else. When I first took a class on Plato, it was his translation that our professor had assigned to purchase. So I was extremely excited when I found out that he would be coming to our campus to give not just one, but two presentations: The first one was "solely" for our department, where we (the attendees) first read his paper, "Glaucon's Challenge and Thrasymacheanism" and sat around at a rectangular table and asked questions and discussed various aspects of the notion of justice as Plato had written about in the Republic. The second was co-sponsored by the English department, and this time instead of a paper, we watched Eternal Sunshine and the Spotless Mind (starred Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey), and Reeve presented his paper titled "Two Blue Ruins: Love and Memory in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," which was an explication and a kind of psychoanalytic critique of the film and the messages it portrayed.

The lectures were absolutely wonderful! Gesine also went to the second lecture, since she is a graduate in the English department. Reeve is such an eloquent writer and speaker, and has such great presence. He is about average height, with small but penetrating eyes and had on these black, round-rimmed glasses, had a shaved head, and was comfortably attired in jeans, a black shirt, and a light stone-washed jean jacket. It was at once apparent that he is a genius, but his demeanor was so humble, his smile so warm, his personality quite humorous and very open, that it was hard not to like him immediately.

Below is a copy of my notes that I had taken during the seminar for Eternal Sunshine. Most of them are Reeve's words, my own are put in brackets. I will not put down my notes from Glaucon's Challenge, only because it is much difficult and you would have need to have a good, solid understanding and familiarity with Platonic philosophy. The movie, by the way, is quite good, and very thought provoking, which is what I love most about it (and Kate Winslet does such a great job at her part! And she is so ravishingly gorgeous - even with her bright and loud hair). Like what Reeve said, the film is done in such a way that leaves it open for interpretation. The surface message is obvious enough, but "the film is much smarter than we think it is". After hearing his presentation, I realized that there are so many parts that I missed in my initial viewing. I think I will need to watch it again.

Fallen in love with Clementine at twice (at least twice) - years ago when they first met, as his mother's friend in their escape to his childhood memories, and once again after the memory erasure. From childhood: Associations of the song "Clementine", soothing and comforting as his mother bathed him in the kitchen sink.

Attraction to each other? For her, it's that "pathetic, whimpy, puppy smile"... Identification of an ugly doll to a potato head doll. They connect: when one doll is crying to another; this is precisely the moment when Joel realizes that he does not want to erase her from his memory.

Skepticism of what Lacuna Inc. proposes to do - to erase one memory is one thing, but to erase all associations with that one memory. What would that mean? The "what if"? And look at the employees, they themselves are dyfunctional. Lacuna is competing with Joel's emotional space... a pushing away... Lacuna struggling against something more powerful; their love for each other is so deep that even technology cannot eradicate. Face value of erasing completely: obviously the good things, but also the problems [that would have helped to make their relationship better had Joel tried to face them].

Both are aware of each other's anxiety, using emotional weapons gained through intimacy and sharing secrets. After erasure, whatever stops her now was what had stopped her before....

And just staying for a few more seconds together, even if it is just a couple of seconds, can make all the difference in whether they decide to break up, or continue to be together.

Clementine's warning to Joel that he did not heed, "Don't expect me to make you alive, or to complete you... I'm just a fucked-up girl trying to find a peace of her mind. Don't assign me yours." But in the end that is what Joel expects her to do; to make him alive, to complete him. And this is displayed even in their wardrobes. The monochrome colors of Joel; dull, and boring. Contrasted with the bright colors of Clementine. She was someone to warm him and bring him alive, someone to overcome his anxiety.

Stagings of the other - the fantasies we have about the other where we re-enact something that we wish to happen, or we are trying to imagine how we should tell the other person about something... And even in our imaginations and re-staging, we still can't get the other person to do what we want them to do, or respond in a way that we would like them to. Even imaginary, they still resist. And when you try to get the other person to do what you want, which of course they never would do as we want them to, you are actually learning more about the person. It is knowledge gained, an attempt to explain, and to come to a better understanding by re-enacting [hypothesizing instances and re-playing the "what ifs"].

Hiding Clementine in his childhood - his childhood contains residues of what Clementine resembles... Projection of Clementine as a mother to see how good of a mother she could be (ref. an argument they had about having children). Clementine is baby Joel's mother and adult Joel's lover; twice to help out with his anxieties. She knows how to save the relationship. Joel's adult personality is much resonant of his childhood: timid, insecure. His adult sexual life is a reprise of his childhood: She will be the man, he will be the woman. A prefiguring of their gender roles and switching their sexuality (at the end when they are breaking into a home).

Why didn't he stay?
He was scared.
"So go," she said with such disdain.
But she did not say it with disdain.
It was his misinterpretation.

And even after the memory erasure, they still meet again and fall in love.
A happy ending?
Perhaps.
The inevitability [and maybe also affinity]: love lies too deep for scientific investigation.

Or is it our own fantasy that we wish Joel and Clementine to get back together and work things out?

累。第二。

2007-09-12T09:40:00.000-07:00

累。

累累。

累累累。

好像永遠會有看不完的書，
寫不完的文章，
變不完的 logic。

可是。。。。。。。。。。。

這條路也是自己選的。現在覺得累也未免太晚了。現在覺得累，也未免太早了，因為將來會有更多的書要看，更多的論文要寫。其實要當一位成名的文人還真是不簡單。不只是要有一定的知識，精神，代人處事的把握，也要經過一定的教訓和社會上考驗和磨練。有時候也在懷疑自己是否真的能做的到，真的能成功？但如過沒有信心的話，妄談要成名。

如何達到一個平衡點呢？如何說服自己的心態呢？

Reflections

2007-09-11T20:34:00.001-07:00

Today I called Mom and found out that Dad had injured his back. According to Mom and to the doctor's diagnosis, it sounded pretty bad. Apparently, two days ago Dad had bent down to get something, and heard a loud pop. Since then, he has been unable to do anything but lie in bed. It is even hard for him to go to the restroom. Mom said that he very, very, rarely cries, but this time it brought tears to his eyes. That means that Dad must be in excruciating pain. The doctor (from what I heard in the background of my phone call back home) said that a part of his spine had dislocated, and the "white stuff" that held the individual sections of the spine together had fallen out. (I'm not sure what the "white stuff" is, because that's how my cousin had described it, and she said it in Cantonese.) Whatever the more sophisticated version, it does not sound good.

I called Dad, and of course he says that he is ok, he is feeling better, he will be undergoing therapy and is taking medication. I am so worried about him, and also about the family business. I hope Mom will be able to find help soon enough.

And Naoko's grandmother just passed away. I feel so sorry, but at the same time I don't know what to say to her. She won't even be able to attend the ceremony. My heart and sympathy is with her. And I know that she is a strong person, and will get through it alright.

All these things call me back into the reality of life - that is, the inevitable pain of life that everyone must endure: the pain of parting, and the pain of watching a loved one in pain. Which is worse? I really don't know.... Everything else would seem so insignificant. Who can be more important than family? Mom was right... Mom is always right.

And something else I've realized: When you are away from home, your support group is really in your immediate surroundings. It is so important to bond and connect with new friends in a foreign place, because when something happens, they are your immediate support. That's not to say that those at home are insignificant, but distance is indeed a hindrance.

Misunderstood

2007-09-11T20:29:00.000-07:00

If there is anything I hate most about friendships, it's the fact that no matter how close you are you will end up with at least one squabble... and what makes it worse, is that that particular squabble really came up out of nowhere and one day suddenly decides to smack you in the back of your head - when your initial intentions were, to say the least, sincerely meant to mean good.

Is it so hard to calm a storm?

Dorm Life 2

2007-09-09T17:02:00.000-07:00

Today Gesine came over and we both had tea together as a break from our studies. I offered her some of my snacks, and she feel in love with my hazelnut chocolate filled cookies from Sweden. Anastasia also joined our tea-time, and we talked about our men, elaborated a bit on maps and how they are a representation of our conceptualization of our country in the world, and some other random topics.

Then I tried to study, but felt so cramped in my space. This desk is definitely not my ideal kind. For one, there is not enough leg room, and two, the distance between the seat and top of the desk is not close enough (because I have a short torso) so I have to sit close to the edge of the seat and make sure my back is straight in order to situate myself somewhat comfortably. I think all I ever do now is eat, sit on my bum and study, sit on my bum in class, and sleep. I don't think I walk around campus quite so much to get efficient exercise. And I am not like Anastasia who likes to take really, really, long 3+ miles of walk at least everyday. I'm lazy. Oh yeah, and while I'm at it, I really dislike our bathroom. It's always so hot and humid inside, and there is no adequate ventilation. And yeah, there is almost always hair in the sinks, which really grosses me out. I can't understand how some people can stand it, and why they can't be courteous enough to clean their area after they are done. Perhaps they are already used to such ways at home.

How annoying.

On the lived meaning of "tradition"

2007-09-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

Recently, a close friend and I had gotten ourselves into a debate about the meaning of "tradition" is, to which I would like to take this opportunity to clarify my own thoughts a bit, and hopefully bring to light what my original assertions meant.

The Oxford American Dictionary defines "tradition" as such:

1. The transmission of customs or beliefs from generation to generation, or the fact of being passed on in this way.

A long established custom or belief that has been passed on in this way
An artistic or literary method or style established by an artist, writer, or movement, and subsequently followed by others

2. THEOLOGY a doctrine believed to have divine authority though no in the scriptures.

Origin: late Middle English; from Old French tradicion; or from Latin traditio(-n), from tradere "deliver, betray", from trans- "across" + dare "give".

So what does it mean to "have" tradition? Is it really the case that we belong to tradition? Or perhaps it is tradition that belongs to us? Or perhaps you shall allow me to reformulate and modify the question as such: Is it not that tradition constitutes us in what it passes down, but dysymmetically, we also constitute it in what we do to recreate and relive those traditions and what it passes down?

Let me further clarify myself.

Tradition is never merely about a presentation of the "old" in such a way that it remains ever self-same as enacted today as it were centuries ago by our ancestors. To assert that it were such the case is to say that tradition is a dead idea and, a permanent word whose meaning(s) will remain forever buried as time passes. But if it were a kind of practice, or ritual, is it not then alive as well?

And we are historical living beings. In our interaction with the ever-changing world, we in turn change those meanings that were left over to us by our ancestors. Tradition is not just a static presentation of customs or beliefs from generation to generation; rather, tradition is a re-enactment, a re-presentation of the through lived experiences, through different experiences so that what was once old and in the past is revived anew into the present. But this is not say that this is about breaking apart or liberating ourselves from what has been passed down to us. As historical beings, we are forever historically rooted within the context of our very own historicity. It very much unlike the assumptions of the Enlightenment tradition that one could break free from one's subjectivity and thus break from whatever was binding the individual in the first place. Notice that this idea itself came out of a particular time and place, and thus is a reflection of the meanings of the cultural, social, and political conditions of eighteenth-century continental Europe. So it is never really possible to break form a lineage of meanings, as every new meaning can only come to be "new" by only relying on a foundation of the old. After all, to say that one can "break free" is to already assert the presupposition that there was something from which one could break free.

I am not an advocate of a destruction of the old, and yet I am not uncritical of what the permanency of what an unchanging, unchallenged tradition would mean. We need both tradition to carry on lived worlds that remains in connection to the past, but at the same time each time we summon the past, we are adding something new to it in the present. And so in effect, our social and cultural practices today bears the same meaning as it did before - but in a different way. It is about the tension of the old and new into the present; a pulling together of the two seemingly oppositions so as not to undergo complete sublimation, but to bring together close enough so as to remain "at odds", a tension that sustains, and differentiates.

And what does it mean to give? If I give you a dollar, can I really expect you to use it in exactly the same way I would? And even if I can, would you really spend your dollar as wisely as I deem it to be? This is a rather silly example. But we could use another one. What does it mean when my grandmother gives me a pendant necklace that has been passed down to her by her grandmothers? It means, does it not, that it is a gift passed down from generation to generation so as to remember where it had come from as well as what it embodies. It also means that in this act of passing down of the pendant, each woman of the family would add on something different so as to add on something more to the meaning of the pendant, does it not? That is to say, this pendant that was passed on to me from my all my preceding grandmothers is not simply an embodiment of the original owner of the pendant, but rather each time it is transferred, each owner adds on her own meanings, her own experiences, her own life, enriching the meaning of an otherwise dead artifact. So that now, in myh hands, it si still the same pendant, but is also something different, and will remain so as I in turn give it as a gift of memory to my granddaughter.

Humans are, after all, living, experiencing and actively participating beings. It would certainly be naive to assert that people follow things without questioning those presuppositions. However we must remain aware of what we are presupposing when we evoke meanings of the mundane life and where these presuppositions are coming from each time we question what it means to be human, and ultimately what it means to be historically situated, and dynamically alive.

Shopping day and new friends~

2007-09-08T18:39:00.000-07:00

Exhaustive day! Gesina was finally able to convince me to sign up for a "trip" for the international students to the outlet mall over in Grove something (can't remember the name). So this morning at 9, Gesina, Janine, Stephy, Naoko, Yukino, Anastasia and I walked over to Mellon Hall where we were supposed to meet and get on the bus. We waited for an hour before it came! At first we thought that it wasn't going to come, which would have been such a great disappointment and total deja vu for Gesina, Stephy and I (because a couple nights ago we were planning to go out, called a cab, waited for over an hour and it never came!). The group consisted of a few Americans (including me) who just wanted to go shopping, a couple of Russians, a few Germans, a few Japanese, a couple of Taiwanese, quite a few Chinese (very loud and very "big green"), one from India and a couple from the Middle East.

The bus ride was horrible. It has been ages since I've been on one of those yellow school buses, and there is absolutely no leg room at all! And throughout the entire way the road was under construction and really bumpy. It was a few minutes over an hour before we got there, and by then we all felt sick and hungry and under the spell of the call of nature.

Shopping was not bad. There are not too many exceptional shops, just the usuals that you would expect: Coach, JCrew, Gap, Banana Republic, BCBG.... Oh! But they do have a Bose and Sony, which is a bit unusual. Yukino and I got pulled into a Bose show/demonstration of their new home theater sound system, and entered a drawing for a free giveaway. The show was actually quite good, and in the end we both wanted to get one. This was the first time I've ever really experienced a Bose sound system, and as I've heard from friends, it really is exceptional. I wanted to get a small sound speaker for my iPod, but it was $300, way over my budget. I ended up spending about $280 on various items.... Which really isn't too bad, considering this is the first time shopping since I've been here.

On the way back, everyone was so exhausted from 5 hours of shopping and the humid and hot 87 F weather, most of us fell asleep on the bus, even though the ride home was equally bumpy. Then we went to the Towers for dinner and Janine, Gesine, Naoko and I ended up sharing a small pint of Ben & Jerry's chocolate cookie dough ice cream. Tonight, they are going to a house party (some guy that's not over 21 that starting talking to Gesine one night in the dining halls and asked her for her number and actually called!), and of course I am too old for parties with everyone at least 5 years under my age. And I am really tired too. I'd rather be here, updating my blog and waiting for my BB to come online.

Who, I must add, is coming to visit me in two more weeks! I am extremely excited, and can't wait to spend time with him! There's not much to show him around here, but I do want him to meet my new school friends, and most importantly I just want to be with him.

*sigh~
I'm so glad I finally met friends. And they are so fun and so nice! Especially Gesine, Janine, and Stephy. They are so *funny*! It's great! Every time I'm with them it's so relaxing and I'm always laughing my head off. Gesine is a graduate student in German/American literature, and is really wild and the total party type. Janine is a law student, and I think has such beautiful and sophisticated features. Stephy is an intern at the Court, and she is really tall and really warm and immediately friendly. Yukino is really, really cute and delicate, very typical Japanese. She makes you just want to take care of her. Naoko is on the quiet side, and I've just met her today, but I like her, and she is really nice. Actually, they are all really nice. I feel very comfortable around them, which is important. It makes being away from home so much easier.

However, I still miss my BB, my mom, and my dog so much. Sometimes when I talk to Willy he will actually "talk" back. It's the cutest thing! And of course, I still miss the food....

Dorm Life

2007-09-07T08:19:00.000-07:00

Today I received two happy packages in the mail: one was my order from JCrew's online sale, another was my order from Uwajimaya, courtesy of Rebecca (the one to pick up items on credit) and my BB (the one who shipped it via 2-day air). As you can imagine, while I opened the package and took out its contents one by one, the experience was excruciatingly pleasurable! Seeing familiar things from home is quite a comfort! It was a bit costly (because it's from Uwajimaya's), but well worth it! Especially when you are far away from home! These are indeed, luxury items.

Again, thanks to those who made it possible! My BB who financed it, and Rebecca for doing my shopping and packaging!

Attitude is EVERYTHING

2007-09-04T10:54:00.000-07:00

I am in the midst of studying my French philosophy, but must make a comment:

Attitude is indeed everything.

It doesn't matter what your occupation, what your status, you may be CEO of Microsoft, or just a janitor, but your perspective on personal importance and outlook of your job and value in what you do is extremely important.

While I was walking to the lounge area for some water to brew my tea, I bumped into our dorm janitor, who I must say is a wonderful person! Every time I see her, no matter what time of the day (once it was 5 am in the morning when I had to run to the restroom), what day of the week, she is always cheerful and greets you with a warm smile and "how are you". Her spirit of service is admirable - even if all she does is sweep floors and clean toilets. The truth is, she is cleaning after college students who cannot do it themselves. And she is happy. I mean, let's be honest here; how many of us will be content with cleaning toilets five days a week? I have more respect for people like her than I do for CEOs of mega corporations.

Next time you see a happy janitor, be sure to thank them for their service.

Labor Day "Celebration"

2007-09-03T19:20:00.000-07:00

Today is Labor Day.
It is also my roommate, Anastasia's 25th birthday. In celebration, we (Anastasia, Anastasia's friend Bert - who is from Germany - and I) walked across yet another one of Pittsburgh's bridges and went to Buca di Beppo for dinner. Great bread! I love bread!! Toasty, garlicy outside and soft and fluffy on the inside... Yum-yum tasty bread with *lots* of butter!!!!

So I learned something new about Anastasia, and a rather surprising thing. She is getting her Ph.D in biology. Yet, for some reason, she doubts the existence of nano-particles and the justification for nano-technology (which is what her boyfriend in Russia does), e.g. atoms and molecules. She said in her Russian accent, "How do you know something so small and you cannot see be true? I mean, how do you know for certain? What if you are wrong?... I mean, the periodic table of elements came to Dimitri Mendeleev in a dream. He must have had many dreams that we just don't know about..." Let me re-emphasize why this might be surprising:

Anastasia is a biologist.
Getting a Ph.D and researching for her dissertation.
Working everyday in the lab with microorganisms.
You are supposed to believe, or at least have faith in what you are researching, are you not?

!!!!!
Strange?!?!

So for the second half of dinner, Bert (a post-doc in chemistry) and I made fun of her. I kept asking, "Are you sure you are in the right department? Maybe you should come over to our building and convert to philosophy." To this, she laughed, and said that her mother asks her the same thing all the time. (Her parents, by the way, are both scientists.) "Yeah, maybe after I finish my Ph.D in biology, I will drop everything and go into philosophy."

Dinner was good. Afterwards, we walked back to our dorm, about a 20-30 minute walk, with a nice steep climb back up the hill to our campus. While we crossed the bridge again in the way back, we saw a very beautiful view of the city - not as nice as Seattle, but beautiful nonetheless. At that moment, I forgot about the things I disliked. It was good exercise, though I still have to get used walking around so much.

PLANS

2007-09-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

Death Cab for Cutie's album Plans is really good! If you are a fan, or if you are not but like rock/alternative music, I highly recommend this album! I like almost every song on here, especially "Soul Meets Body", "Your Heart is an Empty Room", and "Someday You Will Be Loved". Actually, some of these songs remind me of the Beatles. I bought it through iTunes (who the hell buys tangible albums in the era of mp3's anyways?!) which comes with a nice electronic version of the booklet. I think it was $11.99 or something.

Check it out!

Missing home...

2007-09-01T19:05:00.000-07:00

The longer I am here, the more I miss Seattle, and the more I realize how much I had taken everything for granted back home - the good food and variety of vegetarian places, excellent coffee and tea houses, the shopping malls and centers, the clean breathable air, the beautiful city and friendly strangers, more Asians on the streets, the pure water (water here has a funny smell....), Mom, Dad, and Aunty's cooking, my car that provided convenient transportation... and so on. And of course, being far away from family and loved ones does not help a bit.

I don't think I will stay here for my Ph.D. I think I'm going to return to Seattle, and pursue a higher degree in Intellectual History (following Dr. Kangas) with Dr. John Toews.

Another good beer....

2007-09-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

Spezialbier EDEL
Akteinbrauerei
Kaufbeuren
Seit 1308

To check it out, click here.

Another one of me and Cody's (I and Cody? Cody and I? Cody and mine?... not quite sure on the grammar here...) beer tasting, back when I was still in Seattle. We found it at Bambuza, a Vietnamese restaurant across from the Convention Center (they have the absolute best Vietnamese sandwiches, vegetarian and meaty ones!)

**I do admire the Germans....
They are definitely onto something revolutionary in the art of beer brewery!
Heil Deustche!

Our Campus

2007-08-31T15:57:00.001-07:00

Today the weather here in Pittsburgh has cooled down quite significantly from the mid-80's to lower-70's, and the humidity has also dropped a bit. This morning when I got outside I could actually breathe in air, whereas before the atmosphere was rather thick. Of course, air here is not as clear and fresh as in Seattle, but it's no use complaining. So with cooler temperatures, I was able to convince myself to walk around town and at least find a drugstore. For the most part, downtown Pittsburgh is nothing like downtown Seattle. For one, it is not as aesthetically appealing to the eye, and secondly not as "clean", and looks older. I see as many black people as I do white, and only a handful of Asians.

On my way back, I had a quick lunch at Apollo Cafe (which does not carry coffee!) and had one of the best egg salad sandwiches ever. Right next to it is a wonderful coffee shop called Crazy Mocha, and the lattes are quite good - better than what I had expected.

It said on the cup, "The Best Coffee in Pittsburgh" which I think is probably true. The barista is also from the west coast and pulls nice shots. The place is very modern looking, but in such a way that is appealing and comfortable. It's about a 15 to 20 minute walk from my dorm, but I am just glad that I found good coffee! The Starbucks on campus is horrible! Much worse than the worse in Seattle! I suppose it is because most of the baristas there are students who either don't care about the art of coffee, or have no conception of what good coffee is. When I have no choice, I just order an Americano or iced tea. And for some reason, whole milk is nowhere to be found! I have absolutely no idea why!

On the way back to campus, I took a few pictures. My impression is that it seems more like a park than a school, which is not a bad thing. Actually, our campus is probably the prettiest place you can get in Pittsburgh. We have a department picnic next week which will be in some park, and I will compare once I see it.

Walking back from downtown, after you pass Rockmore Hall (the business building), you will come into the "Old Administration Building" on your right, which houses our chapel inside. (Maybe this weekend I will attend Sunday Mass....) It is a beautifully architectured building, and looks very Catholic - no coincidence.

And then there is this really gorgeous (almost Vegas-looking) water fountain.

Above is a picture of what they call "Academic Walk." Basically, it is just the main road through our campus where you can get to most buildings.
This is another cool building. It houses the laymen of the Spiritans. Next to our law school is a statue of Lady of Victory, and I have no idea who she is. The inscription on the plaque says that this was erected in dedication to the families of Duquesne who had suffered the immediately ramifications of WWII.

The building below is our McAnulty Graduate School of Arts. Nothing too fancy..... I only have one class in here. My other classes on on the other end of campus in Fisher Hall.

....And this is just a picture of a fire hydrant.
It's RED!!!

I was notified today that I would be getting a temporary roommate. Her name is Anastasia and she is an intern from Russia (her name is really "Russian" too, I must comment). She seems really nice, easy-going, and most importantly mature. Usually, I prefer to live alone. But in a foreign place with no friends, I've actually come to think that it would be nice to have someone to talk to and eat with....

This is the Rangos School of Health Sciences....

想家

2007-08-29T08:54:00.000-07:00

今天早上起來的時候，突然很想家，很想我家寶貝。。。
想說為什麼親愛的不在身邊？
也是自己想要走的路，但為什麼一定要自己走呢？

這幾天
一個人吃飯
一個人喝咖啡
一個人散步
一個人睡。。。。

彷彿好想夢景一樣
好像是還在西雅圖。。。
另一個空間的西雅圖
而其實大家還在我身邊。。。

只是我看不到。

魚對水說，你看不到我的眼淚，因為我在水裡
水說，我能感覺到你的眼淚
因為

你在我心裡

....and Seattle has the best food.

2007-08-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

Today is my third day on campus, and already I miss the good food that I had once taken for granted while I had easy access to those wonderful places in Seattle. I miss Vegan Garden, Takohachi, Maneki, B & O, Pancake House in downtown Kirkland, Cafe Flora, Tofu House... I even miss the instant ramen that was readily sold at Uwajimaya! I am still not familiar with the city, and don't know where to go for any decent food off campus. The stuff on campus is acceptable, but not what I would call comfort food, and definitely not what I can live off of. And I have already gone four days without eating rice.... I miss Aunty and mum's cooking, and I just miss Asian food in general. No bread around here either. This weekend, hopefully it will be cooler, I am going to make it a part of my to-do list to go around town and check out places to eat. Since Saturday, I've had a sandwich and salad and some pastries from Starbucks, two frozen microwave dinners, one garden burger from our cafeteria (and the patty felt lukewarm), two slices of pizza, and lots of junk food I brought over from Seattle.

I miss Seattle....

Duquesne University

2007-08-26T14:26:00.000-07:00

The City
First impressions of Pittsburgh from the airplane while looking down: lots of hilly trees, and neat little neighborhoods. Only to find out as I got into the airport that Pittsburgh is the hometown of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood.

Go figure.

Second impression: the heat and humidity! In the shade it has been about 95 degrees Farenheit. But by today, my third day here, it has cooled down quite a bit to about 85, which actually feels a bit cold after having gotten used to the three-digit weather. It rained last night, so today it is easier to breathe.

Downtown is a strange place. From what I have seen so far (which is not much, as I have had to travel by foot) it looks quite "ghetto". There are only a handful of Asians, as was suspected. It is even worse on campus, as I have only spotted two other Asians! In my department, I am the only one. But back to the city. I have not found any shopping centers except for Saks Fifth, no vegetarian restaurants, no Safeway, no US Bank (so I will have to open another account here) although on the way from the airport I saw IKEA which is a good thing, as I will have to visit there after I find myself an apartment. I've been meaning to walk around more, but it has been too hot. Hopefully, next week, I will meet friends and get to go around and see more of the city.

My School
Duquesne is actually smaller than Seattle U, which is not a bad thing. It just means I don't have to walk as much. The first thing I saw as the shuttle dropped me off for my orientation yesterday, was our very Starbucks inside the Union Center. It's kinda cool, but I do hope to find a good local cafe.

So on Saturday, I attended the Graduate Orientation, which was not too bad, because the Dean was a particularly humorous guy. My departmental orientation was better, because I met people who I was actually going to be working with. I also met Professor Swindel, the one that I spoke with over the phone and who was also the one that approved me.

After the orientation, I was finally able to move all my luggage into my dorm room, which was quite a challenge, and no one offered to help except for one dad, who helped me pull up a suitcase from the shuttle van to the front door of the lobby to my dorm. As I gathered everything up the elevator and walked to my room, number 202, I was greeted with this:
Slytherin?!
Slytherin?!?!?!
Slytherin?!?!?!?!?!?

As many of you can imagine, I was appalled, and in shock. What kind of a joke is that??? The idea is cool, but why Slytherin?! My neighbor is in Ravenclaw, and I have no idea why I couldn't be in the other ones. Even Hufflepuff would be better than Slytherin!

My room is extremely small, and bare. The dorm itself smells funny, kind of like Taiwan, or Hong Kong, or Japan, probably because of the age of the building plus the outside humidity. I took my first shower in our "community bathroom" for the first time last night, and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. And yes, there was hair all over the sinks, but I tried to not focus my attention on them. I am definitely going to try to find an apartment after I get more familiar with the neighborhood. That way, I won't have to pay as much, won't have to deal with hair in the bathroom, and when my BB or friends and family come, they have a place to stay.

This is my corner of the room, until I am certain that I don't have a roommate:

Am I homesick?
Very.
I miss my mom, my bb, my dog, and Karen and Rebecca and Mayumi. I miss the good vegetarian and Asian food, and I miss the gorgeous city views of Seattle. There hasn't been a night where I don't think about how much I miss being held in Cody's arms. When I see other students on campus who have their parents helping them move and buying them food and snacks, I wish my parents were here too. And when I see friends mingling together and laughing, I wish that my friends were here, and miss the stupid silliness of Rebecca and Karen, as well as my Baby's smart ass comments.... T_T
I wish I would have brought my teddy bear.... Good thing I took my blanket and Mr. Pillow.

To Suffer

2007-08-15T17:16:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, psychological damages are permanent.
Though it is true that time can mend a broken hear, allowing it to become more bearable, and maybe proffer an illusion of effacement. But deep wounds, ones that were so painful, remain open. If one is fortunate enough, the wound may heal. And like the saying goes, the scar will always be there to remind you f your misfortune. It may not physically hurt anymore, but because one is reminded by the scar, it will continue to hurt psychologically.

Once again, praise for Murakami!

2007-08-14T22:05:00.000-07:00

Finally I've finished my third book of Haruki Murakami (or in Japanese it would be 村上春樹), A Wild Sheep Chase. So far, this one is actually my favorite one. It is, as its title suggests, about a young journalist sent off in search for one particular sheep in Hokkaido. This sheep, at once the center of the story, and yet absurdly so, brings to question - I think - the presumptions that we have always taken for granted of what constitutes human thought: opinion, logic, knowledge, and all of what we consider to belong to our mind. His style of writing becomes even more distinct as his characters live out their part in a postmodernly-crafted world; the dreamlike yet realistic joke of how "real life" is in reality, as compared to how "real life" is represented to the mind.

The other books of Murakami I have read are Hard-boiled Wonderland and the End of the World (recommended and lent by dear Mayumi), and Kafka on the Shore. Hard-boiled was much too "out there" for the likes of me. Kafka was not too bad, touching, absurd yet speaks to reality, which is really the trademark of his writing.

My next goal is to read Norwegian Wood, because Taiwanese rock singer 伍伯 had written a song in commemoration of this book, and the title of the song is, uncoincidentally, 那威的森林 which probably translates closer in meaning to the Japanese than the English does, simply because of Asian language grammatical structure. The song is also one of my all time favorites, and Cody does an excellent job in singing it! >3<

There is a graduate conference at Freie Universitat Berlin, and the deadline for abstracts is August 30. I have no idea how I'm going to get something out by then amidst all the other stuff I have to do by then. The topic is quite hard: "Beyond Signification, The Return of Reality and the Crisis of Poststructuralism"; definitely not something I can conjure up on the spot... maybe if I was still in class it would be easier. But since graduation my brain has been in its vegetative state. It is going to take some pain and effort to awake it from its slumber.

Should I do it? This time it would be a lot harder than the undergraduate conference at Dominican. For one this is graduate level, and two it is held by Freie's philosophy department, so those present will know exactly what I'm talking about, and being philosophers they will interrogate every single detail and aspect of my 30 minute presentation - if they should select my abstract. Mom thinks I should do it. But it's been so long! This afternoon I sat down and tried to gather my thoughts, but I did not even know where to start! I wish Dr. Kangas was here. He'd know what to do....

Hair Complaints

2007-08-13T20:41:00.000-07:00

My hair is really, really, really, REALLY bothering me!

One, it's at that not-long-enough-yet-not-short-enough length; two, the layers have grown out so that there is no longer a "style" to be called; three, my hair is still pretty thick and poofy; and four, it is not straight enough and does annoying flips at the ends with strange little kinks here and there. I can't wait to get my hair straightened this Thursday! Then, I won't have to spend too much time trying to do it with an iron over in Pittsburgh. True, I'll have to sit for 3-4 hours until the perm routine is done, but that will save me over 15 hours a month in meddling with my mane. Until then, I will just keep my hair up. I only really have two more days, so I should be able to deal with it.

Next time I try to cut my hair shorter than medium length, please stop me! No matter what excuse I come up with, DON'T LET ME DO IT!!!

Harrison Two: Seattle is better than Canada... WAY better!

2007-08-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

So the next day, Friday morning, we had breakfast at the Lakeview Cafe serving your traditional Western style breakfast. Cody had their corn-beef hash, which looked completely different from what we both had expected. The potatoes were cut in thin sections, mixed with sweet onions and strips of beef. (I had some potatoes and onions, no beef.) We were both quite impressed.

Then we strolled together around the nature path, and crossed many tourists with very interesting behaviors. There were many Germans and Frenchmen/Frenchwomen (although in Canada you never know if they are native French, or from Quebec and the French-speaking regions of Canada), and some English. The Asians that were there were mostly Korean. Along the path there is the origin of the hot springs, and the water in the well was over 250 F, had a funny funny smell - a bit like rotten eggs and wet socks - which Cody said was from the sulfur (I think it's sulfur. He told me in Chinese, and neither of us are sure what it is in English). After our walk, we went back to our hotel and soaked ourselves in the springs, and Cody swam for 2-3 minutes. I tried, but it's been so long, so I stopped after a few strokes over a distance of about 4 feet, and hit my knee on the steps on the way back up. It's been a long time. The bruise is pretty ugly, and I can still see it clearly on my right knee.

For lunch we tried this Yukiya sushi/teriyaki place, owned by an old Korean couple (why is it that Koreans like to open Japanese restaurants? Why can't they open their own?), overtly overpriced and my vegetable udon tasted like the instant kinds you can get at Uwajimaya with a 400% price increase. We walked around some more to digest, and soaked ourselves again, then rested back in our room. We both wanted to go back to Blackforest for dinner again, but the kitchen was down until after 19:30, so we went to Harrison Beach Cafe instead.

It was, once again, owned by a Korean family, and the food is not too bad, but the Western plates had an obvious taste of Korean in them. (I wondered if Yukiya and Harrison Beach knew each other. Maybe they were relatives...) After dinner, and after much indecisiveness, we went back to Blackforest for dessert and beer. Cody ordered some escargots, and I was tempted to order their heavenly French onion soup, but knew I wouldn't be able to finish it.

When I was getting to doze off to bed that night, Cody suddenly came to me at midnight and said, "I'm hungry." The kitchen for room service was closed - lame - so we called for directions to a pizza place. We drove around, and poor Cody must have been so hungry, because he really did try almost every intersection. In the end, we never found it. And I was so tired, so we just gave up and went back to our room.

Saturday morning, we had a buffet breakfast in the hotel, which was actually quite good considering it was buffet style, and the coffee did not taste like water. Again, waiter service took forever. By the third day, we both felt the jeers of discrimination. It was subtle, and well-hidden, but it was definitely there. We started to miss Seattle.

We drove back into downtown Vancouver and walked around Robson. I had wanted to bring Cody to an authentic Japanese beer house, but they were closed until 17:30. So we had Eizojiku Ramen instead, which was really good. They are a Tokyo based company that has been making ramen for 30 years. Usually if I am in the downtown area, I bring all my friends there. Then we stopped by Mondo Gelato, an ice cream parlor, and found really good coconut ice cream! They even had a soy coconut flavor, which is probably one of the best that I've tried for soy ice cream. I was elated.

We went to Richmond, and walked around Arberdeen Center, bought toys for the kids at Daiso (a lot bigger than the one here in Alderwood), and looked around. For dinner, I wanted to go to this Taiwanese restaurant called 風尚. But the waitress had the world's worse customer service - actually, I wouldn't even call it service. She did not smile, practically threw the menu and our cups of tea in front of our face, and acted like she was too good to be our server. So we walked out. Why is it that Taiwanese waitresses are so stuck up? Who do they think they are, anyways? They are only waitresses. If they are too good to be servers, why work in restaurants? Why not just go home, roll on the floor all day, and swipe daddy's credit card until it gets declined? Geezus! Well, I guess I should know, since I used to work with these kind of people. Thinking back, I can't imagine how and why I put up with it. It might have been easier because I was their coworker and their b*tchiness was not directed towards me for the most part.

Anyhow, so we walked over to the other side of the plaza and had Shabu Shabu instead. The waitress there was so much nicer. As usual, we both ordered more than we could finish. As all good things must come to an end, so we had to head back to Seattle. We were happy about going home, but not about the part of ending our short vacation. That's how it usually is, isn't it? We dropped by duty free, and were planning to get our GST back, and found out that the Canadian government is not doing that anymore.
!@#$%^&*!!!!
Cheap.
Lame.
Unfortunate.
Cody bought more alcohol (for his Dad... or so he says :), and an Estee Lauder foundation for his mom. I wasn't planning to get anything, but walked over to the Elizabeth Arden counter only because Catherine Zeta-Jones is their poster model and has been representing their products for a good number of years. Usually, I don't buy products based on who their model is, but since it's Catherine, and she's been doing it for a long time, I got curious and tried a bit of their Eight-Hour Cream, a hand moisturizing treatment. It went on smoothly, was non-greasy, and has no additive fragrance. In support of Catherine, I bought the travel set for a really good price. (I should have bought more...) And since I had fallen in love with her Elizabeth Arden Green Tea promotional poster, the salesperson gave it to me! SCORE! I was so happy!

So there ended our vacation to Harrison. I wish it could have been longer. But circumstances, being what they are, did not allow an extra day or two. It was short, but good. Hopefully, Cody will be able to come visit Pittsburgh every once in a while. And we are supposed to go to China and Taiwan together, and maybe meet in Denver.

Cross my fingers!

For more pictures, visit my web album at: http://picasaweb.google.com/0228jl/HarrisonVacation

Harrison One: Blackforest Cake and Warsteiner Dunkel

2007-08-12T20:38:00.001-07:00

So finally it was that we got to go on our *long long* awaited vacation to Harrison Hot Springs up in British Columbia on Thursday morning. Generally speaking, it was rather pleasant and quite relaxing - with a few disturbance phone calls every now and then; I almost wanted to throw the damn phone out into the swimming pool - although I would have liked the weather to be warmer than it was.

Well, we can't always ask for perfection, can we?

On the first day, Thursday, before heading out to B. C., we had a nice breakfast at Pancake House in downtown Kirkland. Then we drove across the border stopping at duty free, Cody to get his usual alcohol and I a tube of Lancome lip gloss. We, or actually I decided to have lunch at 圓香, which we waited for a long time for the waitress - absolutely horrible customer service. Cody looked like he was going to overturn the table. If it wasn't because of their milk tea, I would not have picked that place.

Traffic over across to Harrison was horrible, all the way from Vancouver until we passed Surrey. Plus, it was that damned hour of the day when everyone got off work. We had to stop in Vancouver first because I needed to use the restroom, get caffeinated, and confirm the directions to Harrison (the lady at the reception didn't seem to know what she was talking about when I called). And then Cody got pissed off at who-knows-what; probably a mix from bad traffic and the most uncourteous driving behaviors of Canadians which ultimately fed into a road rage. I just sat on my passenger side, humming to music, drinking my milk tea, trying hard to be oblivious to a ticking bomb sitting next to me, musing at what other drivers do in their car - over the years, I've learned to just keep quiet when Cody is in a bad mood.

And when we finally got to Harrison, the first thing we did was of course go down to the hot springs open area and soaked all of life's miseries away. It was a wonderful feeling! Especially submersing in hot, 95 F and above spring water when it is a bit chilly outside.

That night, we went to Blackforest Restaurant where we both tasted one of the absolute best German cuisine, and experienced THE best beer ever: German, dark, called Warsteiner (and honey, you were right, "dunkel" is German for dark). It was love at first sip! I'm not a beer fan, although after knowing dear Miki I've learned to appreciate some of it, but I tell you Warsteiner Dunkel is SO DAMN GOOD! I never thought it was possible to have beer so good on earth! It has a low percentage of alcohol, but the fragrant is rich, and it is not bitter at all, leaving a wonderful well-rounded, well-balanced after taste, with none of the bitterness that most beers have. The Germans are definitely on to something!

The food was excellent. Even I found a vegetarian plate that left me fully satisfied and licking my lips for more, which is a rare occasion, especially in European cuisines, even more rare for German dishes. It was called Vegetable Bouquettiere, and was just a plate of different vegetables cooked in distinct ways. Hard to imagine this would be something to delectable... but it was. In fact, their food was so good, we had to go back the next night for dessert and more Warsteiner Dunkel. The second night I had their Blackforest cake. When I put the first bite into my mouth, I thought I was in heaven. It wasn't overly sweet, like most Western desserts, and the chocolate, cherries, and cream melted almost instantaneous on my tongue. Our only complaint: be prepared to wait over 15 minutes for your server to come, and over 30 minutes for your food to come. I felt like I had to wait forever. Normally, Cody would never agree to go to a restaurant with wait time for food over 15 minutes. And I swear there were instances when he looked like he was going to blow up. But when our beer came, it made everything much more pleasant.
Yeah.
It was THAT good. So good that we even had a special request to buy four bottles from the restaurant to take back to our room. The whole entire staff made a big fuss about how to do it discreetly, though they were very nice about about. I think they will definitely remember us if we go back next year.

Now I've made it my mission to find out where they sell Warsteiner in Washington. Cody says that there is a beer house near Greenwood with over 100 kinds of beer from all over the world, and we are going to ask and see if they carry it. Hopefully, I will be able to find some on the east coast, since I know I will definitely be needing it when I do my Ph.D! If I ever go to Germany, Warsteiner Brewery will be at the top of my list of things to do!

No Reservations

2007-08-06T12:13:00.000-07:00

Just this past Saturday night, Rebecca and I went to go watch No Reservations starring Catherine Zeta-Jones, who is my idol/goddess! She plays the role of Kate, who is suddenly left to take care of her young niece Zoe (maybe 10 years old) after a tragic accident. I loved it! It is a family movie with a bit of romance - of course! - in it. Her character speaks out a lot to myself. She is renowned, perfectionist chef in New York City who does not take a "No" for answer, and does not like to take criticisms about her cooking, her attitude, or ways of her life. For her, everything is as predictable as a recipe: you follow the guidelines and put in all required recipes, and out comes a work of art. But eventually, after having to take care of Zoe and meeting her near opposite secondary chef Nick, she comes to realize that life has no recipe.

Fountain Pen Paper!!

2007-08-02T20:59:00.000-07:00

I've found the best paper to go with my fountain pen! Before I was using Moleskine, which has an off-white eggish tint to it, and a relatively smooth surface so the tip of my pen won't feel scratchy - my only complaint is that the ink bleeds a little. But today I bought one of those notebooks made in Japan, and the surface of the paper is much more smoother than Moleskine, it is a comfortable white color, and when I write the nib flows elegantly over the surface without bleeding at all. At the same time, the paper absorbs the ink immediately, so you can see if you look closely the variations in ink flow, giving it a rather aesthetic look. Very nice. And it is much cheaper than the Moleskine notebooks, which is always a plus!

HABA additive-free cosmetics

2007-08-01T23:22:00.000-07:00

Initially I used the samplers from Rebecca who got them during some beauty event in Uwajimaya. According to her, the representative had said that HABA was originally a pharmaceutical line (yes, I like pharmaceutical face care products). Like Kiehl's, it uses all natural, herbal, medicinal ingredients. And because of this, it cleans the skin not from the surface but attempts to balance the skin from inside out. After long use, it is supposed to help rid the skin of acne and other problem spots.

First, I use the Powder Wash (which is very similar to Kose's White Powder Wash), and then the Fair Lady (a Vitamin C serum that contains Kurilensis Water extracted from bamboo), and finally the VC Lotion which is a moisturizing toner (contains Vitamin C, said to prevent acne and lighten spots as well and improve the skin's elasticity). They also suggest using a Squalane moisturizer afterwards, which I refuse because it is made from shark liver oil.

It seemed to work very well when I used the samplers, I think better than Kose and Arouge (another Japanese pharmaceutical beauty line). But I had to finish using my ten other different kinds of face care before making a decision. So beginning tomorrow, I will begin using HABA and see how it works for me. I will update under comments of this post!

KIEHL'S Sodium PCA "OIL-FREE" Moisturizer

2007-07-31T23:27:00.000-07:00

I had inherited this facial moisturizer from Katie as she was packing away and getting rid of excess possessions that she would not be able to bring back to Taiwan. Before, I had only heard of the name "Kiehl's" with only a vague idea of what it is. A few months ago, while shopping with Katie, she had recommended Kiehl's as an alternative skin care line, saying something about it being initially a pharmaceutical line from New York, and then expanded to include cosmetics and facial and body care products, and apparently even includes products for pets! It uses all natural ingredients resulting in a blend of herbal, medicinal, and pharmaceutical composite. Its products are (for the most part) earth-friendly and they do not test on animals!

It reads on the label: "Ideal for oily-prone skin, this effective humectant cream aids in retaining moisture on the skin without the addition of extra oils. Our Sodium PCA cream is recommended for all skin types that require a lightweight moisturizer and may be used alone or under makeup, if worn."

So I've been using this for about two weeks now, and it is a pretty good moisturizer for those of us with combination-oily skin. I like the smooth consistency and the non-greasy feel of it on your skin even hours after application. Another attribute is that it has no fragrance, and with sensitive skin, it makes it non-irritable. For a 4.0 oz jar, it is about $25 which is a pretty good price compared to other credible brands.

Although honestly, in comparison, so far I still like Kose's Sekkisei facial care line. But the downside of it is that one small 1.4 oz jar of Sekkisei face cream costs $40 at Uwajimaya, the only place here in Seattle that sells it.

The Finale: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, A Review

2007-07-26T12:31:00.002-07:00

Last night, after summoning up all my energy and staying up until about 2:30 a.m., I've finished the final book in the Harry Potter series, the Deathly Hallows. (The previous night I also stayed up rather late, as I was submersed in Harry and his friends' adventures...) Before reading it, I must admit that I was rather afraid that the last book would end up seeming a bit rushed with a lame ending - as most finales of books usually are. It would have been a great disappointment following that of the movie of the fifth book.

But I was not disappointed! Although confusing at times, mostly because I don't remember too clearly the details of what had happened in the first six, and partly to British-English syntactical grammar, I would say that the finale was well-written, and the ending was not regrettable. It drew tears now and then, but it was not as depressing as the ending of the sixth book. I would recommend, for those that have not read Deathly Hallows and are planning to, that before doing so you should (if time permits) read or skim over at least the sixth book to be refreshed of previous events. It would make the seventh book much less confusing. Watching the movies, I must admit, does help to make the novels more conceptualizable (and no, that is not a real word, I merely tacked on the suffix to make the word "conceptualize" work for my needs. Philosophers do that, you know~).

One of the downfalls of that is that one becomes even more attached to Harry and his friends. The movies are actually rather good interpretations and representations of the books. I remember when I saw the first movie, I was quite impressed because the action matched pretty close to what I had imagined in my mind when I read the book - even the actors and actresses seemed as if they were born to play the roles of Harry, Hermoine, Ron, the twins, McGonagall (one of my favorites), and et cetera. Although, once again, the last movie that came out, Order of the Phoenix, was not as good as I had hoped it would be. But usually that is the case. The books are much better than the movie interpretations. The human imagination can have such wondrous effects! For those who have seen the movies but have not read the books, I encourage you to read!!!

The book starts out a bit slow, but heads into full gear after the first few chapters. By the middle of the book, I could not put it down, which was why I stayed up all night trying to finish it. I will not give away what happens in the book; all I can say, is whatever you had thought before, think again.

**Thank you** to dear Jacky who bought this for me at the midnight hour that it released! And also thank you to those who have thought about buying the book for me: Mom, Brat sis, and others. It is a really loving and considerate feeling to know that my loved ones know what I want, even when I sometimes don't even know myself! And of course, thank you my dear Mayumi for the first three books as my Christmas present! Without you, I would have remained skeptical about why Harry Potter has become an international phenomena!

**

2007-07-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

Last night, Cody took me to Zales Jewelry and together we picked out a really beautiful three-stone, round cut ring for me!

ABSOLUTE ELATEDNESS!**

(This is a copy of a similar ring that I found on Zales' website. I tried taking a picture myself, but since I am not a professional, I haven't been able to do the ring justice! For the mean time, this should suffice.)

Though not in a wild, speechless kind of happiness like that of a newly engaged bride-to-be. It might be because I have been expecting it for a while, although that does not take away the joys of receiving something so special from my beloved. It is not quite an engagement ring - I think both Cody and I have passed that stage, particularly because we have already chosen, and no words need to be exchanged between us, as we simply understand - but to me it means so much more than any engagement ring can possible hold within its solitaire stone. It is a promise, our promise, that no matter what, we have already chosen to take the step to be together. It is not a promise that needs to be recognized by law, but only by our heart and soul.

To me, that is more precious than anything else, because it is from him, and it signifies so much more than I can describe with the inadequate expression of words.

disappointed!

2007-07-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

Last night I finally saw Harry Potter V, Order of the Phoenix. I went with mom and sis Rebecca, and Michelle (my cousin). I must say that I left the theater a bit disappointed. The movie is still good, but not as good as I had hoped that it would be. There were many things that were left out, and the ending was rather cheesy. The book is much better, though usually that is the case. But even more so in the fifth episode than all the others.

Tomorrow the last book, Deathly Hallows, releases. And I am so excited! I don't think I'm going to buy it just yet, maybe sometime next week. I thought about reading it on the plane, but I know that I won't finish it, and it will just be one extra luggage.

Which reminds me that I should probably start packing. Today, I helped Katie a bit packing her stuff away, and throwing unwanted furniture. She warned that I should start getting ready, otherwise I would end up rushing everything, making the process even more stressful. Now, I am really having second thoughts about renting an apartment there. The thing that I'm most worried about is having to buy furniture and then sell it when I come back. My other choice would be to just live on campus, but I'm not sure if I could ever get used to living with another person in a cramped space.... and for those who know me, I'm a really anal person with millions of strange pet-peeves. Another option is to rent a house already furnished with other graduate students. Aunt Letia said that I should also consider renting furniture, if I wanted to live by myself.

I guess I'll have to see, and since first semester I'll be living on campus, I have time to look around at the neighborhood and check out furniture prices and et cetera.

Should I get a bike? Dad thinks it's dangerous (because I might get run over by some erratic east-coast driver), and my Baby thinks that it's a waste of money because I won't use it since I am so lazy - which I think is a valid argument. Chances are I will just walk and take the bus, and for those special occasions rent a car when needed.

Below is a picture of downtown Pittsburgh, right below the hills of Duquesne.

THE reason to buy a PS3

2007-07-17T16:15:00.001-07:00

Little Big Planet by Sony
The Reason: Absolute cuteness in building environments with lots of physics and mental brainpower involved. I am seriously considering to get a PS3 just because of this game, which is not out on the market yet. According to David's guess, maybe end of this year or next year.
I saw the game trailer on David's PS3 and it is SO CUTE!!! The little guys have big heads, small round bodies, short arms and legs, innocent eyes, and make cute sounds in the game.
My favorite character is the third one from the left, the one that kinda looks like a lizard of some sort with a Chinese dragon cape over him. LOL~

Really want to get it.....

經痛

2007-07-17T13:02:00.000-07:00

胃痛！
很痛！
痛痛痛！
吃了幾顆巧可力，希望會好點～

2007-07-16T17:30:00.000-07:00

(Click on the individual flowers below to see what friends are supposed to do....)

Want one? Go to www.geocities.com/testiflash

Sparks

2007-07-16T16:31:00.000-07:00

美好的一天！
什麼都沒做！
除了幫寶貝的車車換輪胎！
Performance 輪胎還真是給他貴！$900多！！！
到最後看到另一套，是包 rims，＄1,550，他還說想換！九百多都已經在哀哀叫了，還給我想換一千多的！不知到他在傻什麼！

然後就回家。。。。

睡覺～

哇哈哈哈哈～

Heart Too Soft

2007-07-15T00:33:00.000-07:00

哎~~~
你總是心太軟~~ 心太軟~~~
把所有問題都自己吭～～
你無怨無悔的愛著那個人，我知到你根本沒那麼堅強～

Lethargic

2007-07-13T21:46:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's been getting to me lately. Every little thing seems to bug me: the soaring heat and sudden fluctuation in Seattle weather, the damn Kia slowly crawling at 50 mph on southbound I-405 with its driver talking on the damn phone obviously not paying attention to the road, a strand of my very own black hair in the white bathroom sink after cleaning it, finding out that the barista at Starbucks had forgotten to add sweetener to my iced black tea only after driving away, not being able to find food I can eat when I'm hungry..... and all those other wonderful things that I really should be thankful for..... I suppose.

My mind has been habitually floating elsewhere, God knows where. Sometimes when people say things to me, like my sister Rebecca, I hear her, but cannot respond immediately, either because I can't immediately comprehend, or because I comprehend but cannot readily react and reply. Must be frustrating for others.

And then of course, there seems to be so much stuff that needs to be done. Tomorrow I am scheduled to help move stuff from my old apartment over to mom's, which I am really not looking forward to.

Today, sister Rebecca and I had pretty much finished packing the stuff in boxes and labelled them. Tomorrow is moving the stuff, and Sunday is the cleaning day, which I absolutely refuse to help, not because I feel like being bratty, but because I think anti-socialist cousin Carol should start taking responsibility for cleaning - after all, she is the one who has been living there; not me. My little sister and I have already thrown away much trash and washed her dished that had been sitting in the sink for over a month. What is wrong with her, anyways? Talk about selfish. The only reason I'm even helping out is really because mom and dad asked me to.

Then I met up with my baby for dinner at Tsukushinbo, which got off to a bad start because both of us were already exhausted (I from a day's worth of packing, him from a long day at work), and I was moody from PMS, and hot from the heat, so naturally I had nothing to say. Or rather, I had things to say, but was just so tired I didn't want to take up extra energy. After dinner, we both somehow lightened up a bit, but then I got a bit upset after finding out that he was planning to go home. I was hoping that he would spend more time with me today. I guess he must have been over-stressed from work.

Aren't we all over-stressed!

Tomorrow I won't see him either, and honestly I don't know what the reason is. I'm assuming it's "family time" for him. I didn't want to pursue the matter further. I figure if he wants to see me, then he'll find time. If not, I don't want to make him. Why is it that I always feel as if I'm fighting against his family? I don't want to. It's not a fun thing to do. I am not a competitive person. I don't want to fight. It's already been so long. But I really don't have the energy to argue anymore. Especially when time is very valuable to me.

I haven't been seeing my friends lately either. For the past three weeks, there was only one night where we hung out, when I received my new iPod Nano as a going away present. No one's really called me, which I suppose is fine, since in the end, friends will inevitable grow apart. Which really is too bad. And is rather sad... or should I say, bittersweet.

As the French like to say, "C'est la vie!"

In the end, family is indeed the most important. When all else fails, my family will be the only ones standing behind me.

I miss Mayumi.....

2007-07-13T11:38:00.000-07:00

WAY COOL!
Childhood cartoon that I used to watch EVERYDAY with Thai! After waiting for a year, I finally got to go watch it a few nights ago. Optimus Prime looks so cool - but all of the transformers looked cool, although Bumblebee was originally a yellow VW Beetle in the old version.

I can't wait until it comes out on DVD! And this is probably the only movie I wouldn't mind watching again in the theater ~ yes, I love it that much!!

For those of you who haven't seen it yet, you're missing out!

the heat is really getting to me....

2007-07-12T23:16:00.000-07:00

....and at times I feel my internal temper rising with the external, and sometimes even exceeding. There are so many things that need to be done! And seemingly so little time. Ah... yes, lack of time always seems to be the common complaint. I'm trying hard to watch my temper; sometimes I succeed, other times I don't.

It's all real stressful, especially when there's so many things I have to take care of by myself: pack, move, and clean for my sister; pack, move and clean for my going abroad to Pittsburgh.

This weekend will be another stressful one. I have to help move all that crap from my old apartment back to the new house that mom bought. And this time it will just be me, dad, and my sister moving the stuff. Up until this day, I still don't know why she bought it. Actually, I know why she bought it, but I personally don't feel that it is really worth all that trouble... is it? Sure, she bought it cheap; but what she really bought was the land, and an already withering outer shell of what someone once called "home", if they did at all. The previous owners did not take care of it at all. It's really pretty much rotting roof to basement.

Okay, maybe not as bad as my exaggeration. But by my standards, pretty bad. I suppose it's her money, and she can do whatever she wants with it. Perhaps I'm not as far-sighted as she is.

I have less than seven weeks left in Seattle. I'm still kinda excited, though now it's also rather sad. The other day when I was driving and singing along with the the song 心愛的再會啦! by 伍伯, every word hit me, and before I knew it, I was crying.
Alone.
By myself.

Good Lord.
At least no one saw.
A bit embarrassing, actually.

But we are all human.

Pittsburgh, here I come!

2007-06-24T11:10:00.000-07:00

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO DUQUESNE UNIVERSITY!!!
(pronounced "doo-kane", stress on second syllable)

I am so absolutely elated, and yet at the same time, I've really got a mixture of feelings somewhere along the lines of being happy and sad. Happy, obviously because I got what I've been waiting for and I've worked so hard to get it, and sad because after being psyched, I do realize that I must leave for Pittsburgh sometime mid-August, which really translates to a little less than *two months* to be with my family, my baby, Willy, and friends, schedule my itinerary and list of things to do, pack all my books and other daily stuff, negotiate funding from mom and dad and also from student loans, comfort Cody and make sure he knows that I will always love him and be waiting for him and not fall for some other guy at Duquesne (because frankly I wouldn't have that extra time anyways), register for fall semester courses, get myself over to Pittsburgh and settle in.

Not enough time! Seems like time is always the complaint. Especially when spending time with your loved ones is concerned. And I am such a big baby, so I already know I will be so homesick. But I know I have to do it; everyone who knows me well enough can testify that I must do it. But remembering that I only have two months left really makes me melancholic. Mom says that this is another milestone in my life. And of course it is sad, but it is an opportunity to grow and build a foundation for a better future. I told Dad and Grandma that Cody doesn't seem to be very happy that I'm leaving, and Dad said, "Of course not!" And then I remembered that Mom had once did the same thing to him (and for 13 years!). So I think he can relate pretty well.

Last night when I was sitting down at my desk, looking at how to manage my schedule, and at flight times and prices, I really felt so sad and a feeling of not being able to let go - mostly of Cody and secondarily Willy. Cody, for obvious reasons, and Willy because I'm afraid that he will go to heaven before I finish, and I want him to be there when I get my ph.D, which is quite impossible and would take a miracle. I remember when Cody and I first separated for only three months when he went back to Taiwan - it was absolutely horrible, horrible, horrible! There was not a single night where I did not cry myself to sleep. The distance was unendurable. This time it will be for at least four months until Christmas break, and I don't know how I will do it... Well, at least when I am over in Pennsylvania, Cody will hopefully be able to get some time for himself.

**THANK YOU!**
To God Almighty above, to my wonderful Professors at SU for their advice and encouragement, my parents and my Love for their ever consistent faith that I can, to my sisters and friends for keeping me sane while I was waiting.

I've got the sniffling blues~~~

2007-06-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

This year my allergies are extremely severe. A few mornings ago, I awoke to find my left eye swollen to the point where I could hardly open it. After washing it with salt water (a very good tactic) and taking a Benadryl-D, it gradually subsided, although the eye remained puffy throughout the day. It was pretty scary in the morning though when I saw the swollen eye in the mirror; I wasn't sure what to make of it. It had never happened before, and I wear contact lenses, and was afraid that I had an eye infection. Good thing it went away.

Last night was pretty bad, too. My sinuses were clogged, and no matter what remedy I tried, I couldn't get my nose to breathe even through one nostril, and had the worse time trying to fall asleep. Cody has got some pretty bad allergies, too, and I think we're both along the same lines of severity. Being stuck in the satellite trailers with a whole bunch of dirt and dust (all the way from China) probably didn't help either. I'm actually thinking that's what might have caused my swollen eye: dust from China. Poor Baby has to stay there for the whole day again. I think I might go over there and visit him after I help out at mom's - where I would again inhale a lot of dust.

I can't wait until this season is over! Hopefully Cody will be able to take a few days off so we can go on a brief vacation. Maybe up in Vancouver or something. Amy's right: With all the "volunteer work" I've been putting in, Salish should give me a first class ticket to China with Cody! (Yeah, right. Salish is so cheap. The most I would get is probably a $10 gift certificate to Walmart or something.)

Traces of Effacement

mysterious money

Hunan Wok

silly bands and imaginative stories

Hair treatment & mascara

Lethargic

Talk about eye-catching book titles....

The Quest for Life

Drawing of a Chihuahua

Conference Highlights

07.05.2008

5752 Ellsworth

Steel City Reflections

PSO Bravo!!

只愛你一個

我沒有錯。。。。。

好感動的一首歌！差點哭出來！

Better Version

阿郎

快咳死了啦~~~

Snowstorm and house party

Crepes Parisiennes

Look what came today, by "Royal Mail"!!!

Second Annual Duquesne Graduate Philosophy Conference

Static hair and electrocution

幸福

Nostalgic

Disney on Broadway: The Lion King

My first ballroom lessons

A Beautiful Year of Weddings

Breakfast at Parisiennes

疲れちゃった〜

Children

Second semester begins!!!

Beethoven's No. 5

Rashes

My New Favorite Band! Recommended by Yukino-chan~

Brittle nails 2

Midterm has ended.... and now on to the essays

Brittle nails

Brown paper packages tied up with string....

学校のご飯が大嫌いになったぞう~~

Maintenance

Pissed off.

What is it about these cyber network sytems?

after dark....

In love with the Phantom!

Beetle in the house!

Finally! A chance to rest....

又哭了

J'adore...

Extra Perks

Eternal Sunshine and the Spotless Mind

累。第二。

Reflections

Misunderstood

Dorm Life 2

On the lived meaning of "tradition"

Shopping day and new friends~

Dorm Life

Attitude is *EVERYTHING*

Labor Day "Celebration"

PLANS

Missing home...

Another good beer....

Our Campus

想家

....and Seattle has the best food.

Duquesne University

To Suffer

Once again, praise for Murakami!

Hair Complaints

Harrison Two: Seattle is better than Canada... *WAY* better!

Harrison One: Blackforest Cake and Warsteiner Dunkel

No Reservations

Fountain Pen Paper!!

HABA additive-free cosmetics

KIEHL'S Sodium PCA "OIL-FREE" Moisturizer

The Finale: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, A Review

**

Attitude is EVERYTHING

Harrison Two: Seattle is better than Canada... WAY better!

Sparks